Protecting Your Marriage From Sexual Misconduct

When My husband Dan started a secular job over forty years ago, his boss took him aside and whispered the names of women in the office he could have sexually. Dan walked away and kept his eyes, his hands, and his mind on the work he was hired to do.  Never before had the in-your-face wickedness of the world so threatened our marriage. When the office Christmas party invitation arrived on Dan's desk, he was told "Spouses not invited."

"I don't go to parties without my wife." Dan explained to his co-workers and to me. 

We went to the party together. I was the only spouse at a celebration of Christmas which included dinner, dancing, drinking, and too much coziness between co-workers.

The next Christmas we attended the dinner/dance/drink and were happy to see that this time a few others ignored the "No Spouses Invited" rule and brought their mates.

When we take a stand for marriage, others join us. Won't you?

Sexual misconduct can be blatant and it can be subtle. 

A wink of an eye. 

A lingering touch. 

A flirtatious glance. 

A conversation too personal for anyone but your spouse.  

Protecting yourself and your marriage from the damage of sexual misconduct requires setting guidelines for your life and living by them. 

Rev. David Linn, District Superintendent for the Christian and Missionary Alliance, offers the following common sense advice for keeping your marriage bed and your ministry pure (bold emphasis mine):

"1. Avoid all actual sins whether outward or in thought life. This is where the real battle is fought, as Paul wrote: “No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry” (1 Cor. 10:13-14). Run from it, reveal your struggle to an accountability partner, put barriers in the way, restructure your life pattern, work in larger groups, or whatever necessary. Repent every time you fail and receive forgiveness. No excuses. Don’t ever tell yourself: This little sin really doesn’t matter.

2. Do everything you can in public. Take away the enhanced temptation of private space wherever possible. Hire a carpenter to put windows in church classrooms and office doors. Meet outside or over video chat if that helps. Make your own choices about this. Don’t merely follow what others do.

3. Observe personal space. Approach others with a measure of wise caution and watch for cues about what is comfortable for them. Everyone is different. Adjust as necessary. It doesn’t really matter what is comfortable for you.

 4. Kindly and assertively tell others what you want and do not want. 

5. If you are married, follow the cautions and reservations your spouse expresses about your relationships without hesitation or reservation. Whatever your loved one says goes, even if you do not understand it. You probably won’t. 

6. Respect the holy life patterns of others. Some do not wish to eat out together in twosomes, travel together, or minister together. You and I have no access to the inward history and life of others. It is their prerogative to make those decisions. Love your brothers and sisters by following their wishes without complaint. The expansion of the kingdom of God will not be slowed by wise and holy living.

7. Never let down your guard. Be prepared for temptations to come your way from both non-churched and churched people, both men and women. There is no genuinely safe space on earth. “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall” (1 Corinthians 10:12)."

 Sexual sin seems to make headlines daily. A few weak moments can destroy your marriage, your family, your ministry, your career, your finances, your children, your children's respect, your children's marriages. etc. etc. etc. 

The cost too high, the pain too deep, the damage irreplaceable.

Dan and I set boundaries for our marriage and we live by them. 

"Marriage should be honored by all, 

and the marriage bed kept pure, 

for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral."  

Hebrews 13:4 (NIV) 

Bring splashes of serenity to your marriage by never giving a glance to or thought of another person other than your spouse. Take that stand today. Please. For the glory of God and the honor of  your marriage!

Take a Stand and Stop Mocking Marriage

Ha! Do you find the calendar page funny? Did the thought for the day bring a chuckle? 

Since when and why did mocking marriage become a comedy instead of a tragedy?

My heart breaks for marriages.

My mother cautioned me against bad talk. "What you say is what you are." She warned. Her words ring true more so for married couples. Remember, you and your spouse are one flesh. The two of you became one on your wedding day. So, if you can't say anything nice about your spouse, well, you can't say anything nice about you.

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 

and the two will become one flesh. 

So they are no longer two, but one." Mark 10: 7-8

I'm done listening or reading or partaking in the abuse of marriage. I want to stand for marriage, not mock the sacred union created by God.

Will you stand with me?

Will you stand and walk away from any talk where a spouse is belittled?

Will you take a stand and not partake in the laughter of any conversation mocking marriage?

Will you stand and turn off media when the "entertainment" ridicules marriage?

Will you stand up for your spouse and focus on the good instead of remembering the bad?

Will you stand by your beloved and not give a wink or a flirtatious nod to another?

Will you stand alone and refuse to attend an after-hours office gathering without your spouse?

Will you stand firm in your commitment to your marriage?

Will you stand in a decision to never say a disrespectful word or think a disrespectful thought about your husband/wife?

Will you stand and promise to pray daily for your spouse and your marriage?

Will you stand to always cherish and never chastise your mate?

I sound like a radical.

 Well, I guess I am. 

  I see a radical shift against marriage in these days.

So, I stand to radically change the world's view of the sacred blessing God gave when He gave us the gift of marriage. 

Will you stand with me?

This Thanksgiving, let us all stand for marriage and family. Take a stand and thank God for every dear trait your loved ones display. Share your "I love you because . . . " with each person around your table and have a Blessed Thanksgiving!

Will you take a stand for marriage? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks.

Our lives know splashes of serenity when our words say blessings to those we marry,

How to Lead a Successful "We All Married Idiots" Couples' Study

Happy Dance! That's what I do when people contact me asking for guidance because their small group wants to study We All Married Idiots. Why so happy? Because I know when couples come together under the teaching of God's Word on marriage, only good can come from that meeting. God is glorified and satan is crushed. Families are saved and children grow up in happy homes. Wow! Wouldn't that make you dance too!

So, how does one lead a successful We All Married Idiots study? Easy. Application and study questions are provided under "CHANGE" at the end of each chapter. Start there and watch God "change" marriages.

How do those CHANGE questions play out in a small group? I contacted Annette Hurlbut from the Fulton Alliance Church, knowing she and her husband had lead a successful study of We All Married Idiots. How do I know it was successful? Throughout the study, couples contacted me sharing the changes  happening in individuals and in marriages. The grand prize being one of the couples renewing their wedding vows. Woo Hoo!!! A thrill to this author's heart.

Annette sent me lots of info. I'll share some below, but she is willing to share all the handouts she prepared, including the invitation she sent to couples challenging them to "Ask your spouse, 'Are you willing to study the Bible as it pertains to marriage—and our growth as a couple?'"

Why was the Hurlbut's small group effective?

1.  Ownership: From the beginning each participant took ownership. The couples were asked to look over We All Married Idiots and choose a chapter they would like to lead over the next thirteen weeks. During the meeting the lead couple discussed points in the chapter that touched their hearts and their marriage and asked the other couples to share their thoughts. As a group they answered the questions at the end of each chapter, sharing prayer requests, and praying for each other's marriage.

2. Fun: Midway through the study they took a break and had a date night. What a way to laugh and have fun and enjoy each other. I suspect there were a lot of laughs throughout the study, as well.

3. Fruit: Each week they discussed the changes happening in their marriages. What an encouragement to keep working at it.

4. Commitment: Could a marriage study get better than ending with a marriage vow renewal?

To guide you on your way to a successful small group couples study, here's the time format Mary and her husband used:

6:15 - 6:35: Fellowship, snacks, prayer/share and CHANGE application from previous week.

6:35 - 7:45: Read chapter. Meditate. Reflect. Change. (YOUR CHANGE homework).

7:45 - 8:00: Prayer requests.

If you would like more information or the handouts from Annette Hurlbut, please email her at   aahurlbut@aol.com.

Go ahead. You can lead a small group study of We All Married Idiots. What a thrill watching couples grow in love with their Savior and with each other. I'd love to pray for you and for your group as you meet. Let me know, and I'll be on my knees for your marriage.

A splash of serenity isn't enough for a marriage, Lord. I want a water fall of serenity, Jesus. A water fall.

  

Growing a Marriage to Full Bloom

Each Spring my heart jumps at the sight of the rhododendron surrounding our house. These gorgeous balls of purple lushness were planted (by a previous owner) the same year Dan and I were planted  as husband and wife. I don't know, I just think that's neat. Forty-seven years ago our love was new and so were these rhododendrons.

 Wow! Look at us now! Our marriage and the flowers are in full bloom!

There were years the rhoda's and the Miller's weren't so pretty. The rains hit too hard or not hard enough and our marriage and the flower buds struggled. But we held on to whatever we could to get through the storms beating us down. Grasping for fertile soil or a rock or anything that would help us stay alive during the difficult seasons, we embraced the promises we made on our wedding day, knowing with God nothing was impossible. After all, the Creator had a plan when He created us—a plan for the flowers and the marriage to flourish.

Forty-seven years later I stand in awe at the rhododendron and at Dan and me. Our love is in full bloom and beautiful. Thankful to God that when the years were lean and the branches empty, we didn't give up and decide to cut us down. We held on to You. We held on to each other. We endured the pruning You did and even the ugly we did to each other.

How do you  grow a marriage to full bloom? Hold on and never let go. I'm so glad we did.

May God splash serenity on your marriage. Remember, nothing is impossible with God.

Resurrecting a Dead Marriage

God can take a dead Jesus and make Him alive again. God took our dead marriage and made us alive again, and He can do it for your marriage too!

 Pastor Dave Bretch interviews us on his "I Want a New Marriage" sermon series. You can watch at http://vimeo.com/200564419

May God give a splash of serenity to your marriage every day.

Say "I Love You" Every Time You Say Good Bye.

In my travels as a speaker, I am blessed to stay in the homes of lovely people. Many are precious   widows. I love hearing their stories, for they have much to teach me.

Some watched their beloved suffer over years. Other deaths were sudden. The blink of an eye and their sweetie was gone. Whether a long death or quick, they all were final, and they all remember one thing:

The last words their beloved spoke to them. 

Sitting around the kitchen table, talking over chamomile and honey, my widowed hostess and I     were eager for more conversation, but our eyes were drooping. We decided to do the wise thing and get a good sleep.

"Do you mind if I say good night to my hubby before I turn in?" my widowed hostess asked.

She hit the "1" on the answering machine. The male voice echoed "Hi honey! I'm going to bed  now. I hope you have a good sleep. Good night. I love you."

"Those were his last words to me. I listen to him say 'I love you" every night before I go to sleep"

 He died years ago, and his loving voice still brings her joy as she heads to her empty bed.

Tears flowed as I witnessed an intimate moment in the life of a widow and her dear man. I'll never forget the lesson they taught me that night. I never leave Dan without telling him I love him.

What will be your last words to your beloved? Make sure you

 say "I love you" every time you say good bye.

“. . .  let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely” 

Song of Solomon 2:10 

Sweet words are splashes of serenity on your life and marriage every day! Say them often. Every day. As often as you have opportunity.

Dan and Elaine Present "Growing a Healthy Marriage" in Poughkeepsie, NY

Every marriage needs a play day,

 that's we invite you to 

"Growing A Healthy Marriage"  

in 

Poughkeepsie, New York.

with

  Dan and Elaine W. Miller

 May 21, 2016, 

 9:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m.
at

 New Beginnings Church, 

35 Degarmo Road, 

Poughkeepsie, NY.  

For reservations or more information please call the church office at 845-454-2580

We look forward to meeting you and watching your love grow strong.

Pastor Denes House adds the following:

Join Dan and Elaine Miller for a one-day workshop designed to help build healthy patterns into your marriage. Whether you are thinking about marriage, are new to marriage, or have been married for decades, Dan and Elaine offer practical helps and theological insight to help your marriage to grow. Whether your marriage is strong, you are on the rocks, or it feels like there's no hope left, let Dan and Elaine invest in your marriage for a day. 

The cost is $12.50 per person, or $25.00 per couple. The cost covers lunch and all materials. Childcare will be provided at no extra cost.

Elaine Miller is the author of "We All Married Idiots" and "Splashes of Serenity." Dan Miller is a longtime pastor and has ministered to pastors for decades.

For more information, contact the New Beginnings Church office, 845-454-2580

Go ahead. Take the plunge and splash serenity on your marriage by attending "Growing a Healthy Marriage." You'll be glad you did!

Growing a Healthy Marriage Retreat

The couples of Southside Alliance Church in Elmira, NY recently went away for a marriage weekend with Dan and Elaine W. Miller. God impacted marriages! The leadership of Southside Alliance asked Dan and Elaine to come back and teach the same seminars at their church to couples who did not attend the retreat and to anyone in the community who wants to bless their marriage.

Here are the details:

All Married, Engaged, or Thinking About Being Married are invited to

Growing a Healthy Marriage

with 

Dan and Elaine W. Miller

Friday, April 15, 2016, 7:00 to 8:30 p.m.

Saturday, April 16, 2015, 9:00 to 3:00 p.m.

at

Southside Alliance Church

530 Pennsylvania Avenue

Elmira, NY

Cost $50 a couple

 (includes study material and Saturday lunch)

(checks made out to Southside Alliance Church)

  $10 non-refundable deposit  

(balance due April 10)

Please send deposit to

Joyce LeFever

17 Coleman Avenue

Elmira, NY  14905

607-846-2702

Questions?  

Please email:  ssapeoplecare1@gmail.com 

Dan and Elaine W. Miller have been married for 45 years. They have lead many marriage retreats and counseled numerous hurting couples. For many years they traveled to Europe as Pastoral Care Couple to International Workers there. Dan, an ordained minister,  recently retired as the C&MA Northeastern District Superintendent after serving 28 years as a pastor and a pastor to pastors. Elaine, a member of the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, has been encouraging audiences for over 25 years. She is the author of three books including We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can. Residing in Campbell, New York, Elaine and Dan enjoy a beautiful life and ministry together. Three married children and ten grandchildren complete there joy!  

Splash serenity on your marriage and attend this fun and marriage-changing get away!

Be the Man of Your Castle and Treat Her Like a Princess

Husbands, this post is for you. Let me ask you, On your wedding day, did you open the car door for your bride? Of course you did. Do you still? If not, why not! What a simple gesture to show love and care for your beloved bride no matter how long you are married.

My granddaughters were riding with us in of our car recently. Grandpa always opens the doors for his granddaughters because they are his princesses. And for me too, because I am his Queen.

 "How does it make you feel when grandpa open the car door for you?"
 I asked Gracie.

"Loved, respected, cherished." she smiled.

Isn't that what husbands and wives promise on their wedding day? To love and to cherish.

 It's so easy to treasure your wife. Why wouldn't a man continue this practice through all his wedded days.  I don't know, but I suspect that simple gesture could keep your marriage sweet.

My husband of 45 years lets me know every time we enter and exit a car that he loves, respects and cherishes me. So simple. Doesn't cost a penny, yet in my heart  has the same power of a dozen roses.

"Husbands,

 in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, 

and treat them with respect as the weaker partner 

and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, 

so that nothing will hinder your prayers." 

1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)

Splash serenity on your bride today and open the door, guys!

An Interview with Dan and Elaine Miller on Their 45th Anniversary

Today is our 45th wedding anniversary. My hubby is taking me away, hey hey! We're going to Bermuda for a week celebration of our love. Will we have internet? We hope not, for we want to concentrate only on each other. We have so much to thank God for.

Our marriage almost failed, but God's power and Dan's pure determination kept us together. Being married 45 years is amazing. We know and love each other so well. 

Danielle Peters, a friend and a writer and a passionate wife with her own marriage story, asked us our thoughts on marriage. May our answers encourage you to hold on to your marriage. 

Danielle: What has been your favorite part of marriage?

Dan: I think the companionship of sharing life with someone you love.

Elaine: I agree. Sharing life with Dan has been an adventure. Not boring, for sure. He’s challenged me to climb that mountain, kayak that stream, shoot for par, write that book.

On the spiritual side, I’d say seeing God work in our lives individually and as a couple has been an exciting and favorite and humorous part of marriage. Our lives are proof that with God nothing is impossible.

Of course, raising a family together has challenges, but would also be one of my favorite parts of marriage. And now enjoying the next generation of grandchildren fills our hearts over the top.

Danielle: What has been the most challenging part of marriage?

Dan: Balancing self-interest with realizing that decisions we make affect two people. Doing what’s best for the couple not just what I want.

Elaine: Those child-raising years were our biggest challenge, in my opinion.  We didn’t always agree on how to raise a child.

Dan and I are so different, but we respected our differences and worked to achieve common ground. I guess it goes back to Dan’s answer of putting the needs of a marriage before the needs of an individual.

Danielle: What is the biggest change in your marriage now after 45 years versus the first 5-10 years?

That’s funny.  The early years were rough.  We didn’t know what to do about our differences, so we argued and demanded our own way.  Today, I can’t remember the last time we were angry with each other.  After 45 years we finally figured out how to get along as a married couple.

There is great joy in enduring love. We’ve grown together, suffered together, experienced life together. We have learned  how to live in harmony with each other because we’ve come to know each other so well.

Danielle: If you could leave your grandchildren with one piece of advice for their marriages, especially given the direction of marriage in our culture today, what would it be?

Dan: Follow the Biblical teaching of Philippians 2:3-4, “Don’t act out of selfish ambition or be conceited. Instead, humbly think of others as being better than yourselves. Don’t be concerned only about your own interests, but also be concerned about the interests of others.”

Elaine: God and Dan give good counsel.  Each putting the needs of the other above their own needs, reaps a win-win marriage.

My advice would be to hold on.  There may be days or years when you want to let go and give up.  You don’t feel like you love your husband or wife.  But circumstances change.  Stress lessens, children grow up, spouses mature, finances improve, love returns.  The person you are married to today is not the person he/she will be in five or ten days or months or years.  On a better day you may be thankful you held on to your marriage.  I guess it comes down to the word, COMMITMENT.  Be committed to your marriage, hold on, don’t let go.

Danielle: Elaine, you write encouraging books for marriages that share a lot of your own stories. What makes marriage a topic of passion for you?

Elaine: We were almost a divorce statistic. I thank God for the work He did in our lives and for my husband’s commitment to our marriage. Dan refused to let me go. I adore my husband and I shudder thinking what my life would have been like had I successfully thrown him away. Too many marriages give up too soon for too little reason. My passion is to give hurting couples hope that their marriage can survive and thrive. I pray that, like us, couples will be ecstatic they held on and stayed married. Growing old together is a treasure!

You will learn more about the marriage of Dan and Elaine Miller in Elaine's book, We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can available at your local bookstore, www.Christianbook.com, or www.amazon.com/We-All-Married-Idiots-Marriage/dp/0984765522/  Autographed copies available at the book store on this website.

May God Splash Serenity on Your Love Today and Every Day!

Help for Spanish Marriages - An Interview With the Translator of We All Married Idiots

How does an author have their book translated into another language? I have no idea, but God placed We All Married Idiots into the hands and heart of an International Worker in Uruguay who envisioned this book as a tool to help Spanish marriages worldwide.

What a  thrill to welcome  Stephanie Beers, my friend, and the Spanish translator of Todos Nos Casamos con Idiotas   (We All Married Idiots).  Thank you, Stephanie, for the gift you gave to the Spanish -speaking world and to me by translating We All Married Idiots into Spanish.

ELAINE: Stephanie, I think we've known each other about 30 years. Our husbands were pastors together in upstate New York. We've both covered a lot of territory in 30 years. Tell our readers a little about yourself.

STEPHANIE: I remember those days of home service when we were pastoring in upstate New York right after I graduated from college.  We were only married a year when we began our ministry there…in a few months we will celebrate 31 years of marriage!  While in New York our son was born, and when he was just a little over a year old we moved from snowy New York to balmy Costa Rica to begin language study.  After a year of tackling the Spanish language we moved to Quito, Ecuador where we worked on a church planting team for 3 years, and where our daughter was born.  We then spent the next 20 years in the coastal city of Guayaquil, nicknamed the “Pearl of the Pacific.”  We ministered in two different church plants, raised our children, taught at the Bible Seminary and built relationships that will last a lifetime…and then some!  I realized that when we left Ecuador, I had spent half of my life there!  Then God in His great sense of humor nudged us out of what had become comfortable and homey to take on a new challenge in the most secular country, and most secular city in Latin America.  Our desire is to reflect the true God through transparent lives and to show God’s love in practical ways…to live generously and love extravagantly. 

ELAINE: Stephanie, I remember well when We All Married Idiots was released. You must have been one of the first to purchase it on your Kindle, because within a few days I received a message from you asking if We All Married Idiots could be translated into Spanish.  I cried. I really did. Tell me, what inspired you to ask about a Spanish translation?

STEPHANIE: Throughout the years our ministry has always involved couples…pre-marital counseling, marriage counseling, couple’s dinners, marriage enrichment weekends and just hanging out with couples around a meal.  We have also made a promise to each other to make our marriage a priority.  It is a commitment that we take seriously and God takes it seriously as well.  Your book is very practical, down-to-earth and peppered with personal illustrations that make someone think… “I am not the only one that has thought or done this…so maybe there is hope for me.” Uruguay has an 80% divorce rate and I thought that this would be a great book to get into the hands of my friends here, and for Spanish speakers all over the world.

ELAINE: What a response I received from around the world when people read that We All Married Idiots was being translated into Spanish. I heard from people in Spain, El Salvador, Bolivia, Argentina, Florida. I understand that not all Spanish is alike. The Spanish spoken in the United States is a bit different than the Spanish spoken in Uruguay. Is that right? If so, can all Spanish-speaking people understand this translation, or just the Spanish in Uruguay?

STEPHANIE: Spanish has many variations, with a few changes in vocabulary and accents, just like in the United States with the accents from the north and south, east and west. English spoken in Canada has different words for some things and their accent is different as well, the same for England, Australia and other English speaking countries.  But it is still English, and it can be understood in the rest of the world.  The same is true for Spanish.  There are many Spanish speaking countries with their own peculiar accent and terminology, but in the end it is still Spanish.  Most of the Spanish speakers in the United States have their roots on other countries in Central and South America.

ELAINE: Marriage problems are universal. Is there anything about Todos Nos Casamos con Idiotas (We All Married Idiots) that makes it different than other Spanish books on marriage?

STEPHANIE: Todos Nos Casamos con Idiotas is a practical book, not just theoretical, that presents real-life problems and real-life solutions. People can identify with the book. I like the fact that each chapter has the Meditate (not just Elaine’s great ideas…but God’s word), Reflect (what does this mean to me), Change (what am I/we going to do about it) and Pray (realizing that we need God’s help or this is never going to work) elements that make it seem “do-able.”

ELAINE: I can't imagine trying to take each sentence of a book and translate it. Did you have help or did you take on this project alone?

STEPHANIE: I translated the book by myself and also enlisted the help of 2 of my best friends from Ecuador and one friend from here in Uruguay to be my editors.  They are all Christians and bi-lingual, hence I asked for their help to make sure that the book was translated correctly, that the concepts made sense, and that it just wasn’t a literal word-for-word translation. As I translated each chapter I would send it to 2 of my editors, they would send me their corrections, I would compile them and send that document to the third editor.  After the book was complete I sent the final version to a fourth person who is also a bi-lingual newly married Christian for her opinion…she loved it!

ELAINE: Now that Todos Nos Casamos con Idiotas  is available, what are your hopes for Idiotas and how can it be used in the lives of Uruguayans as well as Floridians?

STEPHANIE: My desire is that Todos Nos Casamos con Idiotas will be used to bring hope and healing to broken marriages.  I pray that this book will speak to couples that have been married 6 months or 60 years.  May it be an instrument to help couples cross the finish line, to run the marathon, and not just give up after a 50 yard dash.  My hope is that couples will make their marriages a priority and this will positively affect all of society.

ELAINE: I assume you felt We All Married Idiots  was a book worth reading or you would not have asked to translate it. What about this book touched your heart and why would you recommend couples read it?

STEPHANIE: I would recommend We All Married Idiots because it is biblical, practical and useful.  I have probably read the book at least 6 times by now, and each time I read it I am reminded of something else that I can do to improve my marriage.

ELAINE: Thank you, Stephanie, you have blessed me and your work will bless marriages. I know we both agree, to God be the glory!

Todos Nos Casamos con Idiotas  is available at www.amazon.com/dp/1941103065 (print) and http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00TOUCEHY/ (Kindle).

We All Married Idiots is available on line at http://www.amazon.com/We-All-Married-Idiots-Marriage/dp/0984765522/,  www.ChristianBook.com, Barnes & Noble,  through your local bookstore, or this website. 

May God bring serenity to your marriage,

"Never Ever Be The Same — A New You Starts Today" excerpt and Book Give Away!

NEVER EVER BE THE SAME — A New You Starts Today is the promising title of a book released this week. If you comment below, you'll enter a give away to receive a free copy sent to your home. 

Contest ends Midnight, January 24, 2015. Thank you to all who commented below. The winner of Never Ever Be The Same  is Stephanie Nickel!!! Enjoy!!!

 Authors and husband/wife team Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller aren't related to me, except we share the same passion for Christ and for marriages that glorify Him. We also share similar marriage stories each having almost thrown away a marriage God wanted to bless. When God saves your life and your marriage, it's worth writing about. Thank you, Kathy and Larry, for writing your stories so others will Never Ever Be The Same.

Be blessed by the  following excerpt from Never Ever Be the Same, and  ask yourself, do you love or do you love well?

Do We Love Or Do We Love Well?

by Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller

Do we love others or do we love others well? All of us love imperfectly. But loving “well” means we love them for their benefit rather than what it does for us or how it makes us look. We're not talking about perfection but we are talking about desiring another's good. We've all been around someone who is supposedly expressing love for us but it is disingenuous because it is really about them looking good or getting what they want. We don't really feel encouraged or cared for.

I, Larry, may be wrong but I sensed a lack of loving well when I received an e-mail from a man who was considering buying one of our marriage books for his wife. He wrote, “I choose to love my unsaved wife as I love myself. She has a lot of issues and it's my hope, prayer and confidence that my example, the light that I allow to shine in our home, and the love that I extend to her, just as God has done for me, will be a part of what God uses to save her.”

I didn't have any kind of relationship with this man to be able to inquire into his motives. But I could sense that he might easily come across to his wife as thinking himself better than her. I wondered if he communicated a belief that he never needed to repent of anything and that she should be grateful for the way he puts up with her.

And I also wondered, “What is his motive for needing to explain?” Does he speak to others with this same kind of superior attitude? If his wife shares with him the superior attitudes she senses, how would he respond? I had a deep sense that he wasn't loving her well. Unfortunately, he had concluded he loved her so well that he was amazed his sparkling and pristine example of Christ's love hadn't compelled her to become a Christian.

Here are other common ways we do not love well:

A husband buys his wife for their anniversary (or birthday or Christmas) what he wants for himself, not what she values. He looks forward to the admiring looks from his friends when he uses the item himself.

A wife plans an elaborate surprise birthday party for her husband, but he would rather enjoy a weekend away with her. But the accolades the wife gets at the party motivates her to throw another party the next year.

We’ve all been guilty at one time or another, but we may be able to avoid this error by focusing on how God loves us well. He always responds to us for our greatest good and desires our greatest benefit. Let’s make a commitment to do the same for those we love.

How has God shown you that kind of loving “well”?

This article is excerpted from Never Ever Be the Same (Leafwood Publishers) which offers Christians hope that they can change their ungodly reactions through identifying their self-protective strategies and trusting God instead. The authors are Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller and includes biblical principles, insightful stories, and helpful instruction. It has individual and group discussion questions.

Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller are speakers and authors. They have been married 44 years and Larry is a retired police lieutenant. The Millers live in Southern California, and have two grown children and one grandson. Visit them at www.LarryAndKathy.com. Kathy blogs at www.KathyCollardMiller.com.

Never Ever Be the Same is available at your local Christian bookstore and in both print and digital versions at:

Amazon: http://amzn.to/1ITmLfy 

CBD: http://bit.ly/1AuJZSX

Barnes and Noble: http://bit.ly/1BJz3lC

Remember to leave a comment below for an opportunity to receive a give away copy of  Never Ever Be the Same. 

Splashes of Serenity on your day!

My Best Marriage Advice

Want to add sparks to your love flames, leave the marriage-ruining busyness of every day, and go away for a weekend of marriage-encouraging rest with your spouse?

You and your love don't only deserve time away, you need time away.

For most of our 44 years of marriage Dan and I committed to going away alone for two weekends every year. Those weekends renewed, refreshed, and invigorated our love and passion for each other and our commitment to our marriage.

It's time you and your love spent some quality couple time.

Give your honey a gift he or she won't forget by making reservations to the Couples Retreat at Montrose Bible Conference in Montrose, PA, January 30 - February 1, 2015. Cost is $300 - $320 a couple, depending on accommodations. Call 1-800-598-5030 for reservations.

Dan and I will join you there where we will teach four sessions over three days. You'll laugh, you may cry, you'll have lots of free time, you'll not be threatened, you'll eat amazing food, you'll be glad you came. Whether married one year or fifty, you and your lover will go home with a stronger, healthier marriage.

Can't afford it? Montrose Bible Conference offers scholarships. Ask and you may receive.

Still can't afford it?  Well, it's cheaper than a divorce.

No babysitter? Swap with friends. We'll watch your children a weekend if you'll watch ours another weekend.

Too much work to do? Well, then you need this retreat more than you realize.

No excuses. What a delightful Valentine's gift you can give to your love by investing time in your marriage at a couples' conference.

Splashes of Serenity! Ahhhh. That's what a marriage retreat is — a spa for your marriage. I hope to see you there!

Seek Help. Don't Seek a Divorce

Every time a book on marriage is sold, that's another marriage seeking help instead of seeking a divorce.

When I hear one of my books sells, I immediately pray for that couple that God would reveal hope, truth, healing, and guidance for that relationship.

 Author Jean Oathout shares my passion for marriages. In her book,  Granny's Guide to Marriage in Verse, she writes powerful truths with poetic beauty.

Today on Jean Oathout's blog, www.jean-oathout.blogspot.com, Jean shares many resources helpful to marriages. If you want to seek help and not a divorce, please check out what Jean recommends.

Thanks, Jean, for featuring We All Married Idiots and my husband's and my ministry to marriages.

May marriages be blessed through our ministries, Jean. You splashed serenity on my day which I pray splashes serenity on marriages throughout this world.

Praying many will seek  help and not seek a divorce,

Healthy Marriages Make Healthy Churches

Dan and I desire to share our marriage story at your church or retreat center.

Dan's retirement as Pastor and District Superintendent with the Christian and Missionary Alliance provides us with time to pursue our passions. One close to our hearts is growing healthy marriages. You see, we almost threw away our marriage, and we want to prevent other couples from making the same mistake.

Let us laugh with you, teach you, help you experience marriage as God intended.

A husband wrote this from our last retreat: "I just really wanted to let you know what an amazing time we had hearing from you and Dan. We hope to be able to attend the conference in January at Montrose. I just really wanted to say thank you, and let you know what a blessing it's been for Elice and myself to hear from you both. Thanks again!" ~Thomas Slavin

Our next marriage retreat is at Montrose Bible Conference, January 30-Feb 1, 2015. For more information see:
http://www.montrosebible.org/OurEvents/tabid/113/page_550/1/eventid_550/8/Default.aspx
For reservations, please call Montrose at 1-800-598-5030.

If you would like to schedule a marriage retreat at your church or retreat center, please email us at SplashesofSerenity@yahoo.com or call us at 607-527-6067.  We're flexible and affordable. Call and let's schedule a one-night, one-day, or weekend get away for the couples of your church and community.

Throughout our 44 years of marriage, annual weekend getaways to concentrate on our marriage were non-negotiable. Please make time away with  each other a priority.  There is a divorce every 13 seconds in this country. Let's change that statistic.

Healthy marriages make healthy churches.

Splashes of Serenity!

Run Your Marriage Race Like a Fox

My husband pointed out the fox footprints in our snowy yard. "See, a fox walks in a straight line one foot in front of the other."  Unlike the bunny or squirrel who bounces about leaving the prints on the right, the fox walks that straight center line.

When it comes to marriage, we should be like a fox. Keep our eyes and mind focused on our spouse and our marriage. Don't take a passing glance at another person or praise the attributes of anyone other than our husband or wife. When tempted to sin, don't go there. Keep walking that straight line.

We can't see them, but be sure lion's footprints also encircle our homes. That prowling lion has a goal to devour our marriage. He appears sometimes in the form of well-meaning friends who encourage us to take a step on the wild side, or who find joy in spouse-bashing. Don't go there.

"Be self-controlled and alert. 

Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion

 looking for someone to devour." 

1 Peter 5:8

Be a fox. Keep walking. One step in front of the other. Don't veer to the right or the left. Run the marriage race God called you to run and win.

Remember, an idiot stumbles. An idiot falls and makes mistakes. But a fool runs the wrong way.

 Run your marriage race like a fox. Don't run the wrong way.

Splashes of Serenity on your marriage!

When Marriage Gets Dirty

"Your talk on marriage covered it all" a mom said at my book table.

"My marriage hit bottom but we worked through the hard times." I answered.

"That's it! That's the key. You worked through it!" She continued "Today marriages fail because they don't work through it. As soon as problems arise, the couple takes a detour, or skirt their way around it, sweep problems under the rug, or just walk away from their marriage. They give up without even trying to work through it." Her "Aha!" moment spoke to my heart.

"I know too many marriages give up too soon. If they would just work through their difficulties their marriages would come out stronger."

"You are right!"



Sometimes marriage gets ugly and dirty and you just have to work through it. Stay. Keep taking steps toward reconciliation. Trudge through the mess.

Remember, you may not love your spouse today, but feelings and emotions change. Next week, you could be hand in hand running into the sunshine, if you just hold on through the dirt.

Do you agree that marriages fail because couples give up instead of work through their problems? Your thoughts are appreciated.

May God splash your marriage clean on those muddy days!