An Interview with Dan and Elaine Miller on Their 45th Anniversary

Today is our 45th wedding anniversary. My hubby is taking me away, hey hey! We're going to Bermuda for a week celebration of our love. Will we have internet? We hope not, for we want to concentrate only on each other. We have so much to thank God for.

Our marriage almost failed, but God's power and Dan's pure determination kept us together. Being married 45 years is amazing. We know and love each other so well. 

Danielle Peters, a friend and a writer and a passionate wife with her own marriage story, asked us our thoughts on marriage. May our answers encourage you to hold on to your marriage. 

Danielle: What has been your favorite part of marriage?

Dan: I think the companionship of sharing life with someone you love.

Elaine: I agree. Sharing life with Dan has been an adventure. Not boring, for sure. He’s challenged me to climb that mountain, kayak that stream, shoot for par, write that book.

On the spiritual side, I’d say seeing God work in our lives individually and as a couple has been an exciting and favorite and humorous part of marriage. Our lives are proof that with God nothing is impossible.

Of course, raising a family together has challenges, but would also be one of my favorite parts of marriage. And now enjoying the next generation of grandchildren fills our hearts over the top.

Danielle: What has been the most challenging part of marriage?

Dan: Balancing self-interest with realizing that decisions we make affect two people. Doing what’s best for the couple not just what I want.

Elaine: Those child-raising years were our biggest challenge, in my opinion.  We didn’t always agree on how to raise a child.

Dan and I are so different, but we respected our differences and worked to achieve common ground. I guess it goes back to Dan’s answer of putting the needs of a marriage before the needs of an individual.

Danielle: What is the biggest change in your marriage now after 45 years versus the first 5-10 years?

That’s funny.  The early years were rough.  We didn’t know what to do about our differences, so we argued and demanded our own way.  Today, I can’t remember the last time we were angry with each other.  After 45 years we finally figured out how to get along as a married couple.

There is great joy in enduring love. We’ve grown together, suffered together, experienced life together. We have learned  how to live in harmony with each other because we’ve come to know each other so well.

Danielle: If you could leave your grandchildren with one piece of advice for their marriages, especially given the direction of marriage in our culture today, what would it be?

Dan: Follow the Biblical teaching of Philippians 2:3-4, “Don’t act out of selfish ambition or be conceited. Instead, humbly think of others as being better than yourselves. Don’t be concerned only about your own interests, but also be concerned about the interests of others.”

Elaine: God and Dan give good counsel.  Each putting the needs of the other above their own needs, reaps a win-win marriage.

My advice would be to hold on.  There may be days or years when you want to let go and give up.  You don’t feel like you love your husband or wife.  But circumstances change.  Stress lessens, children grow up, spouses mature, finances improve, love returns.  The person you are married to today is not the person he/she will be in five or ten days or months or years.  On a better day you may be thankful you held on to your marriage.  I guess it comes down to the word, COMMITMENT.  Be committed to your marriage, hold on, don’t let go.

Danielle: Elaine, you write encouraging books for marriages that share a lot of your own stories. What makes marriage a topic of passion for you?

Elaine: We were almost a divorce statistic. I thank God for the work He did in our lives and for my husband’s commitment to our marriage. Dan refused to let me go. I adore my husband and I shudder thinking what my life would have been like had I successfully thrown him away. Too many marriages give up too soon for too little reason. My passion is to give hurting couples hope that their marriage can survive and thrive. I pray that, like us, couples will be ecstatic they held on and stayed married. Growing old together is a treasure!

You will learn more about the marriage of Dan and Elaine Miller in Elaine's book, We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can available at your local bookstore, www.Christianbook.com, or www.amazon.com/We-All-Married-Idiots-Marriage/dp/0984765522/  Autographed copies available at the book store on this website.

May God Splash Serenity on Your Love Today and Every Day!

A Marriage Isn't About the Wedding. It's About the Emergency Rooms.

Happy 16th Anniversary to our daughter Joanna and her husband Bob Price. They are supposed to be off on a romantic overnight anniversary trip with a room with a lake view, Jacuzzi, and fireplace.

 Instead, they are in the emergency room with their 6 year old Ryan. He'll be fine, but has a nasty facial gash from an early-morning bike ride on my driveway.  I'm feeling a bit sick about all this.

Then God reminded me that marriage has less to do with weddings and more to do with trips to the emergency room. Those crises are what strengthen and bond a couple so much more than who catches the wedding garter.

Praying for a marriage strengthening anniversary today! Praying for our brave boy Ryan!

UPDATE: Ryan was a brave boy requiring ten stitches. Joanna and Bob left on their get away trusting God and grandma to care for their son. He's doing great and I hear from the Newlyweds of 16 years that they are too!

The worst things can bring the greatest splashes of Serenity,

Happy Anniversary Prayer to Us and to You

Forty-two years ago two idiots married. We rejoice today and thank God for the work He continues to do in our lives individually and as a couple. We really are a miracle and proof that with God nothing is impossible.

I love you Dan, with all my heart. Jesus is first in my life, but Dan is right up there!

A wife wrote to me saying she and her husband read We All Married Idiots. The last page is a prayer meant to be read together as husband and wife. This couple went to their church knelt at the altar and prayed the prayer together rededicating their marriage to each other and to the Lord Jesus. Wow! I'm sharing the prayer with you today. May your marriage be blessed.

Heavenly Father, we come to You in Jesus' name, knowing that without You, we can do nothing. We are idiots. We are sinners. We are different from each other. Yet, You, Jesus, joined us as one. We are a team that cannot fail as long as we keep walking down the path You prepared for us.

We hold hands, and we grab Your hand knowing You are the One who will keep us from stumbling. If we fall, You will pick us up and give us what we need to keep running our race for the prize. May we keep our eyes on You. Keep us from swerving to the right or to the left. Surround us with your angels.

Help us, Lord, to make right choices. May we find no pleasure in walking down roads that appear pleasant for only a season. Walk with us, Jesus. Be glorified in our marriage. May we please You and show a foolish world the difference Christ can make in a marriage.

'Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such oppostion from sinful men, so that we will not grow weary and lose heart.' Hebrews 12:1-3

We give our marriage to You, Jesus. Do with it as You please. Amen."