Showing posts with label Covid 19. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Covid 19. Show all posts

Friday, April 16, 2021

My covid/cancer Journey — "It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over" ~ Yogi Berra


Like a baseball punch in the gut, 
the pain hit me as I read Sunday morning's e-mail, 

"Blood Cancer Patients are at High Risk of COVID-19 Vaccine Failure."

 For the first time in over thirteen months,
  I was going to church.
The excitement overtook me. 
I thought I would cry with joy. 

How I miss my friends, singing together, being in God's House, 
all of the preciousness of being a member of the family of God. 

A quick check of my e-mail brought the headline news.
 Although vaccinated and my four doctors saying
  I was safe to re-enter society, 
that Sunday's research revealed
the vaccine fails on the majority of blood cancer patients.

 For one of the few times on this journey,
 I cried. 
My tears of joy at returning to church 
turned to tears of sorrow.

A call to my doctor resulted in an appointment for an antibody test. 
In two weeks, I'll learn if I have immunity from covid-19 or not.  

The struggle is real. 
Pride had set in. 
I've been so strong. 
"You have the best attitude!" is repeated by many. 
Aren't I amazing! 
One person said, 
"You've been raised from the dead, twice!" 
Once with cancer and again with severe covid-19. 

This day I didn't feel strong, amazing, or having the best attitude. 
Instead of being raised from the dead,
I felt buried again.

What does a person do when 
filled with hope and 
wiped of hope simultaneously?
 I turned to God,
 prayed, 
pleaded,
 asked to understand why I was hit with another hurtle. 

God was silent.
Hmmm.
 Was He silent, or 
did I just not hear Him? 

Weakness of spirit became 
strength of spirit as 
 I once again surrendered my life, 
or my death, 
into the will of God. 

Then He arrived.
(Actually, He never left. I know that and you do too.) 

Jesus brought the disciples to my mind.
 How exciting to live life with Jesus, 
to eye-witness the miracles, 
to know His love day in and day out and 
have no doubts that Jesus is 
the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.
 He can and will do anything that pleases Him.

What shock to see all their dreams shattered
 — like a punch in the stomach — 
watching Him crucified, dead, and buried. 
No more miracles.
No more hope.
Love is dead. 

But Hallelujah!
 Jesus rose from the dead. 
He's alive!!! 
Tears of sorrow turn to tears of joy! 

Because friends, 
"It ain't over 'til it's over."

God reminded me of Jesus's words to Simon Peter after the resurrection:

 " . . . do you truly love me . . . .
 do you truly love me? . . . .
 do you love me? . . . . 
Do you love me? . . . . 
Follow me!" 
(Matthew 21:15-19)

Four times He asked Peter. 
And He now asks me and you
(please insert your name):

Elaine, do you truly love me? 
Elaine, do you truly love me? 
Elaine, do you love me? 
Elaine, do you love me?
 Elaine, follow me?

Yes, Lord. 
Yes, Lord. 
Yes, Lord. 
Yes, Lord. 
I will follow You and
 I trust You because 
no one knows it better than You, Lord, that

 "it ain't over 'til it's over." 
Hallelujah!

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Wednesday, April 7, 2021

My covid Journey — The Best Year of My Life

What a mixed-bag of emotions!

"You won't get covid again. 
If you do, it won't be severe. 
You are free! 
Go to church, 
go to the store, 
restaurants,
 travel, 
go anywhere and everywhere!"

My heart skipped higher than my feet sailing out of Roswell Cancer Center yesterday.

After 13 months of isolation,
 I was free!

We celebrated with in-restaurant dining.
Good, but not as good as Dan's cooking.

My glee!

Giddy at the prospects of where I would go first:

Family
Friends
Church
Mani/pedi
Walmart
 
The list was endless. 
So much missed in 13 months.

My mind became cluttered quickly.

Slow down, Elaine, 
you still have 40 percent of your lungs damaged. 
Ease into, 
don't jump into,
 life as you once lived.

This morning, I woke to our slow-paced, covid-pandemic lifestyle.
Coffee and breakfast together.
Talking, waking up, talking some more,
Reading our devotional book, our Bibles and praying together.
Slow, no schedule, relaxed.

Thankful, I realized this year was a gift to us.

Together. 
This is the year life stopped and we found each other.
Without the pandemic, I may never have noticed Dan's love in action.

We cooked, 
 talked, 
played games, 
 laughed,
healed, 
 loved.

Like a year-long honeymoon, 
our love deepened, 
our communication understood. 

Soon, I realized this was more than our love story.
God revealed His love story for us.
Sick with covid, 
we had no choice but to 
stop and 
surrender
our lives and 
our dreams to
 our Savior. 

We fell at His feet and realized our utter dependence upon Jesus.

Nothing else mattered.
Not family,
friends,
church,
mani/pedi,
or Walmart

Only Jesus and
Jesus was enough. 

A life surrendered to Jesus is always the best year of one's life.


"And we know that God causes everything to work together 
for the good of those 
who love God and
 are called according to His purpose for them." 
Romans 8:28



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Thursday, April 1, 2021

My covid Journey — Practical Tips to Hurry and Help your covid Recovery.

Diagnosed on October 9, 2020. Hospitalized on October 30. Nearly a month later (one week in ICU), I returned home with 24/7 supplemental oxygen. There began a painful and long journey to health. Six months later I have sixty percent lung capacity and need supplemental oxygen only when I sleep. I am well and active, but lose my breath quickly. Doctors are hopeful in six more months I will have full use of my lungs and need no supplemental oxygen. 

I have not reached the end of my covid journey. My prayer is you will reach the end of yours in a positive light, or perhaps never take a step on the covid path. 

I am not a medical professional. The tips I give were all given to me by my good doctors. There were things I wish I had known before I got covid which could have helped me on my journey. I now share them with you.

1. Meditate. 

Sing! Singing opens up your lungs and soothes your soul. Relieving stress aids recovery, so sing out to God, draw close to Him, and let the Divine Physician do His Work. Keeping your eyes fixed on Jesus keeps satan out of your thought life. 

I will sing of the Lord's great love forever;
 with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known
 through all generations."
 Psalm 89:1

2. Pray! 

My covid prognosis was grim. The percentage of leukemia patients surviving a covid hospitalization is small. The Lord sent an army of prayers from around the world to intercede on my behalf. Those prayers, God, and medical care saved me from death. Please let people know you need prayer. When sick people hide their disease, no one can pray for them because people who pray just don't know you are ill. I announced all over social media that I needed prayer, and the Lord's Army was released to save me.

"In the days of his flesh, 
Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, 
with loud cries and tears, 
to Him who was able to save Him from death, and 
He was heard because of His reverence."
Hebrews 5:7

3. "Don't get ahead of yourself."

 These wise words came from my husband when I was diagnosed with leukemia. Take this sickness one day at a time. Don't let satan convince you of something that may never happen. Worry will not help you recover. Worry keeps you sick. Prone in bed for weeks on end gives our minds too much time to contemplate the worst. Don't go there. When tempted to think bad thoughts, sing to the Lord instead. And pray, of course!

"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, 
for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. 
Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."
Matthew 6:34

4. Purchase an oximeter. 

An oximeter measures the oxygen in our blood. The well-person's oxygen level is 89 to 100 with the average being 94. Below 88, please call your doctor. If you measure 88, but the number quickly returns to the 90's, don't be concerned. As long as you enter the 90's quickly, you are fine. To use an oximeter, place your finger gently inside. Don't press down. The oximeter should be on a stable surface, like a table, to get an accurate reading. Keep checking the oximeter throughout the day as long as you are not well. 

"Behold, 
I will cause breath to enter you 
that you may come to life."
 Ezekiel 37:5

5. Going to ER.

A person is not admitted to the hospital because they have covid. You are admitted because your oxygen level is too low. I suggest you call your doctor first and have your doctor alert the ER that a covid patient is arriving. ER personnel will need to prepare a covid room for you as well as clear the hallways of people.  

I heard from a covid patient in a different state that if your oxygen falls below 90, to not call your doctor, but go straight to the ER. At her hospital they had a separate entrance for covid patients. If you are alone or become too sick to drive, call an ambulance. 

In either case, be aware of covid-19 procedures for the hospital nearest you. 

"Luke the beloved physician greets you . . . . "
Luke 5:31

6. Sleep on your tummy.

Sleeping on your stomach stretches your lungs and allows the oxygen to keep flowing. Take naps and rests throughout your day. I called this my tummy time. Rest is crucial to recovery. If you are unable to sleep on your tummy, sleep on your side.

"Come to me, 
all who labor and are heavy laden,
 and I will give you rest. . . ."
Matthew 11:28

7. Rest and hydration. 

My doctors reiterated over and over. The most important thing to conquer covid is to rest and drink water. This is not the time to be a macho hero. Rest and water. Rest and water. Rest and water.

"Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters . . . .
Isaiah 55:1

8. Protein, fruits, veggies. 

Your body is fighting for its life. If ever there was a time to eat healthy, this is it. My doctor said I needed protein. He didn't need to say it, because my body craved protein used to rebuild my lungs. 

"Therefore, Honor God with your body."
1 Corinthians 6:20b

9. Post-covid recovery

Once home from the hospital, we still need to do all of the above, but now we enter a road from sickness to health. 

10. Lung strengthening exercises.

 Strengthen your muscles and lungs with the following exercises  from Johns Hopkins University:
Tackle these exercises gradually. Master phase 1 before trying phase 2. For me, the exercises were painful as they expanded my lungs, which is a good thing. Now, I do them pain free! Woo Hoo! They worked. 

Review these exercises with your physical therapist who is aware of other medical conditions which may prevent these exercises from being helpful to you.

11. Incentive spirometer. 

Ha! You thought you could leave this baby at the hospital. No. Keep breathing in and out of your spirometer. It was your key out of the hospital and will be your key out the door of your home to real life.

12. Walking and bike riding. 

Any leg exercise strengthens lungs. While at home on oxygen, I walked around my dining room for five minutes, checked the oximeter, walked for five minutes more. Keep increasing your walking time and checking your oxygen level. My doctor told me walking and bike riding are best for me. Now, I bike for a couple hours with frequent stops. But, hey, I've come a long way baby! 

Again, please check with your doctor before any exercise.


13. Weaning from oxygen.

 Start removing oxygen while sitting. Check oxygen level every five minutes to make sure it is above 90. Gradually increase time without oxygen, checking the oxygen level frequently. Do not stop oxygen without doctor's permission. Oxygen while you sleep will be the last to be removed. The doctor will do a test to determine your oxygen level while asleep. My 02 was great throughout the day and fell to 72 while I slept. What a shock! Obviously, I still sleep with oxygen and will have another night test in a few months. 

Do not remove yourself from oxygen without guidance from your doctor!

14. Breathe!!! 

Never forget that every breath we breathe comes from our Father. In the hospital I was sent the  beautiful song titled "Every Breath." I listened to it's message of truth and hope every day. Fill your mind with Godly thoughts and trust the One Who gives us the breath of life. 


With my love and prayers, dear covid travellers. What a journey. May we all arrive better people than when we started. God uses pain and suffering to teach us great lessons. Don't miss them.

  

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Wednesday, March 31, 2021

My covid Journey — Time to Go Home?





  "Home today!" 
A great goal 
whether isolated in ICU or 
trapped at home during a pandemic.
Every day should be lived to the full
with an exclamation point (or three) at the end!!!
 
  In my hospital bed, 
I knew these could be my final days on earth. 
I've always wanted to 
live and die well.  

Sitting at the deathbed of beloved saints, 
I've witnessed their peace and joy.
We can't contrive those moments when 
Jesus takes our hand and 
escorts us to Heaven.  
There is no "fake" on a deathbed.
  Heaven and Home are reality.
 
I told my daughter, 
whether I live or die
I will go out with glory! 
A smile on my face! 
A song in my heart!
 Laughter on my lips!

God has a purpose for us whether our days are good or difficult.
Some feel the pandemic was a waste of our time,
but time is only wasted when we waste it.
Every day is an opportunity to live well and shine for Jesus.

We choose
our goals,
our attitude,
whether to grow 
or grumble. 
 
Today
(and I hope every day)
let's fill our hearts with thankfulness and 
praise to the One Who 
blesses us with
 His goals and His time.

"In everything give thanks for this is the will of God
in Christ Jesus concerning you."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

What a blessed truth to realize this Holy Week that 
in God's perfect time
Jesus came to earth and took the 
punishment for your sins and mine.

He died a cruel death on the cross and
 three days later 

He rose again!!!

Jesus returned to Heaven to prepare a Home for us. 
One day His Holy Hand will reach for ours as
 He escorts believers to Heaven. 
He's reaching for you. 
Will you accept His invitation?  

Jesus' goal for your day is that you would know Him and
 the power of His resurrection.
Surrender your life and your day to Jesus and 
all other goals will seem like foolishness.
You will, 
for the first time, 
know what Jesus meant when He said,

"I have come that they may have life and have it to the full."
Jesus in John 10:10

Will today be the day you live life to the full?







Monday, March 29, 2021

Our covid Journey — In Sickness and in Health

"In sickness and in health."
Those words slide over our tongues 
faster than we realize what we are promising.

 We commit to a lot on our wedding day.
With God's help, 
we deliver on those vows  
whether plagued with a pandemic or a silly old sniffle.
 
What can I say about my husband and his response to my severe covid?

Never have I felt 
so loved, 
treasured, 
cherished, 
cared for.

He devoted himself to my well being.
To making me 
comfortable, 
safe, 
healthy.

And always, 
to know his love.
 
When vows were made with dreamy eyes,
we didn't envision 
the potty chair, 
the mess, 
the work,
the pain,
the exhaustion.
 
Never a complaint.
Always joy.
Forever a smile, 
A joke,
 a laugh, and
  always 
love.

A happy home is a healing home.

Not knowing how to cook, he taught himself how.
Making me amazing gourmet meals.

When he asked what I wanted for dessert,
I said, "pineapple upside down cake."
I was kidding.
How in the world do you turn a cake upside down?
I had never ventured it.
But there it was.
What Elaine wanted, 
Dan gave.


The house clean.
Kitchen spotless.
Laundry done.
Kisses given.
Prayers prayed.
Love.

I am blessed by a man who has the gift of mercy.
 Caring for me was 
his desire,
his calling,
his devotion 
to the wife of his youth.

 "May your fountain be blessed, 
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth." 
Proverbs 5:18

I am the wife of Dan's youth.
We rejoice in our love.
The love God gave us for each other.
The love we share for Him.
The love that endures forever.
The Love that strengthens us when we are weak.
the Love that heals.

The Love that says

 "Love is patient, 
love is kind . . . . 
 it is not self-seeking, 
it is not easily angered . . . . 
 
Love 
 always protects,
 always trusts, 
always hopes, 
always perseveres. " 
1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

My husband.
Overflowing with love
just like
Jesus.


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Thursday, March 25, 2021

My covid Journey — Yellow Socks



Yellow socks.

She slipped the yellow socks on my feet and
God reminded me:

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but
 of power and
of love and
a sound mind."
2 Timothy 1:7

Yellow is the color of courage.
I needed that reminder from my Jesus.

After a wonderful night sleeping by my big bear of 
a cuddly husband in our own bed 
and drinking in all the wonder of being home,
my oxygen levels plummeted again.

I am back in the hospital.
My vitals are now good
(34/24/24).
Oops!
Wrong statistics.
That was fifty years ago.

I am told this is all normal, to
expect months long recovery, where
I may play ping-pong living at
 home/hospital/home/hospital.

I admit asking God,
what are you doing?
So many prayed for me!

He answered,
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,
declares the Lord.
As the Heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways and
my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9

God knows what He is doing.
Phew!
So glad He is in charge of my days.

So, if your day fills with fears or doubts,
pull up your yellow socks,
look up to Jesus, and
listen up to what God wants to teach you.
He has much to say.
 




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Wednesday, March 24, 2021

My covid Journey — Home — Unaware of the War Lurking to Destroy Me


Yay! I'm going home!. 
Little did we know by tomorrow, 
I'd be back in the hospital.
With joy and excitement Dan brought me home loaded with war weapons — 
a walker, 
potty chair, 
shower chair,
 a large and loud oxygen concentrator
 (used to pump oxygen into my lungs), 
many oxygen tanks of all shapes and sizes, 
and feet and more feet and more feet of oxygen tubes
 (used to trip us throughout the day and night). 

We were armed and ready for war! 

Doctors said the covid soldiers occupying my lungs 
would not be defeated for at least six months. 

The battle began before I ever entered my front door.
 I couldn't walk.
Heavier artillery was needed.
 We didn't realize and no one told us I might need a wheel chair. 
  Collapsed and dead weight on my front sidewalk,
 we stayed calm. 
I assured Dan
I could sit on my fanny and scoot backwards up the sidewalk.
 What a sight! 
Tough and determined, I made it to the three stairs. 
Turning over on hands and knees I crawled up three stairs
 into our beautiful, peaceful, healthy home. 
Now what? 

Our daughters arrived to help and see their much-missed mama.
 Joy and emotions overtook me and I lost my breath, literally. 

Do you know what it is like to not be able to breathe? 
It's the worst. 
Gasping for breath that isn't there even with a breathing tube.

 covid soldiers had me down and 
continued thrusting daggers into my pneumonia-filled lungs. 
Pain unbearable, 
somehow, someone got me to bed as we all wondered, 
Why didn't the doctor send or prescribe the pain meds I had at the hospital?

Early morning I could not get up. 
Gasping for breath, 
my oxygen levels plummeting, 
the pain in my chest unbearable, 
I screamed for an ambulance. 

Dear, dear EMT's. 
So loving,
 so self-sacrificing. 
Do you think they wanted to touch this covid patient? 
I'm sure not.

Were they remembering one of their own who had recently died of covid?
Were thoughts of their own danger in their minds?
 Perhaps. 

Did they want to infect themselves and the inside of their ambulance with covid soldiers? 
 No way. 
But, they did. 

They cared.
They loved.
  Thoughts of my needs prevailed.  

Off we went to the hospital 
less than 24 hours from the joy-filled ride home the day before.

This is not such a happy post.
 Yet, in the end, we won the battle. 
I'm almost off all oxygen, 
back to bike riding with my husband, 
breathing well on my own, 
the pain in my chest is gone. 
Still, covid soldiers remain in 40 percent of both lungs. 
Six months later, 
doctors say another six months of recovery. 
We wait and hope and do not lose heart.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. 
Though outwardly we are wasting away,
 yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 
For our light and momentary troubles 
are achieving for us an eternal glory that 
far outweighs them all.
 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, 
but on what is unseen. 
For what is seen is temporary, 
but what is unseen is eternal."
 2 Corinthians 4:16

Whatever is going on in your life, pray, trust Jesus, and don't give up!


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Tuesday, March 23, 2021

My covid Journey — And I Saw Jesus


My last night in the hospital.

She could have come in, 
checked my vitals, and
said "Good bye."

But she,
in spite of her own weariness, asked,

"Would you like me to wash your feet?"

And I see Jesus.

"Now that I the Lord and Teacher,
have washed your feet,
you also should wash one another's feet.
I have set you an example that you should do as
I have done for you."
~ Jesus ~
John 13:14-15

Make me a servant, Lord.
Show me how to ease the path of another's hard journey.

Open my eyes to their suffering.
Open my heart to their pain.
Open my mouth to bring comfort.
Open my hands to carry burdens.

Never judging.
Always loving.

Like the covid healthcare workers.
 
Like You, Jesus.
May I follow in Your steps.
Amen.

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Monday, March 22, 2021

My Covid Journey — The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face


"What joy!
He found my window. 
First time I've seen him in three weeks!
Thrill of my life being married to Dan Miller.
Soon I'll touch that handsome face and kiss those lips."
~ my thoughts on this day.

The nurses and I finangled a rendezvous at my window.
They knew healing comes when one is touched by love.

 I saw him.
He could only imagine my face behind a darkened window. 

Three weeks.
Without his touch. 
Living in uncertainty that we would ever touch again.

He cried, 
felt helpless, 
insufficient to improve my condition.

He would change places with me, 
if he could. 
But he couldn't.

What could he do?
He prayed. 
And prayed. 

Fasting and praying. 
Prone on the floor crying out to God for the life of his wife. 

 Jesus,
our sufficiency,
our healer,
 our hope.

He never lost sight of our faces, 
our needs, 
our love for each other, and 
our love for Him.

The weeks were long and pain-filled. 
Our God is eternal, and joy-filled.

Jesus. 
Our healer. 
The Love of our lives. 
The One Who joined us as husband and wife and 
called us to ministry together. 

He would trade places with us 
if He could.

He could.  
He did.

On a hill far away was an old rugged cross.

"Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,
 yet we considered him stricken by God,
 smitten by Him and afflicted. 
But He was pierced for our transgressions, 
He was crushed for our iniquities; 
the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and 
by His wounds we are healed." 
Isaiah 53:4-5

My healing came because I was touched by Love.

Thank You,
 Jesus 

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Sunday, March 21, 2021

My covid Journey — The Three C's — Christ, cancer, covid


cancer and covid are similar diseases. 
Both cause 
pain, 
fear, and 
death as 
each maim and eat away at organs essential to live. 
cancer and covid attack in varying degrees. 
Whether we barely notice the symptoms, or 
suffer for the rest of our shortened lives, 
no one would choose either of these little c's.

I have cancer and I am still recovering from covid.
 My human suffering with covid was more severe than with cancer. 
I came closer to death with covid than with cancer. 
With covid I was isolated, 
with cancer I was surrounded by my loved ones.

 Leaving for my covid hospitalization, 
I could barely think, but 
I knew my Bible and my book, 
Praise the Lord and Pass the Chemo: A Hopeful Response to a Hard Reality would
 bring comfort and a reminder that 

Christ is my big C. 
Not covid. 
Not cancer.  

"Christ is the Big C" is 
a chapter in Praise the Lord and Pass the Chemo. 
Be encouraged by the following excerpt from that chapter. 
I've replaced the word "cancer" with the word "covid." 
They both apply. 
 Believe me!
 I know.

"covid is not the big C. Christ is the big C.

If we let covid replace Christ as our big C, 
our hearts may become bitter, or 
angry, or 
depressed, or 
anxious, or
 afraid, or
 all of these. 

 But when Christ takes His rightful place in our hearts,
 He fills us with His love,
 joy, 
peace, 
trust, and
 hope. 

So when the doubts and anxieties arise 
— and they will — 
let us remember who is the big C in our lives.

 Focus on Christ, not covid. 

And this is the secret
 — Christ lives in you! 

Who is more powerful in your life? 
Christ or covid?

 covid can eat away at your bones and cells,
 but covid can't touch your soul.

 covid can steal time,
 but covid can't take away a moment God planned for you. 

covid will not win the victory for your life.
 Christ already won it.

 Jesus Christ is the Big C.

 Keep your eyes on Jesus Christ the healer, 
not on covid the destroyer. 

covid is vicious, 
but Christ is the Victory!"

Christ is the Big C. 

"I have been crucified with Christ; and
 I no longer live, 
but Christ lives in me." 
Galatians 2:20



If you are looking for a book for yourself or to give a covid patient, I recommend Praise the Lord and Pass the Chemo. Trust me. Covid patients need A Hopeful Response to the Hard Reality of covid.
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Friday, March 19, 2021

My Covid Journey — When My Bubble Burst




The writing was on the wall.
I woke each morning to a white board greeting:
Elaine Miller weight _________________.
Well, good morning to you too!
Will someone send me a sledgehammer please.

The truth is the drugs pumped into me 24/7 made me round.

I laughed realizing five years ago 
when diagnosed with leukemia and a compromised immune system,

"You need to live in a bubble."
 were my oncologist's instructions.

Covid popped that bubble.

So, instead of living in a bubble, ha!
I was round like a bubble.
And my dear Dan says,
"You'll be my bubbleicious!"

Unfortunately, neither bubble baths nor showers are 
safe for anyone on massive oxygen.

 "Spa Day," 
announced a health care worker.
 What a great scalp massage she gave, 
washing my hair using the
cute shower cap filled with dry shampoo.

After weeks of dry shampoos, 
I was hungry for a real shower and shampoo.
My request was denied.

"You can not take that amount of oxygen into a shower.   
It isn't safe."
The nurse's response was final.

 "Easy solution! 
Take me off the oxygen and 
let me jump in the shower for a real quick shampoo.
I promise, I'll hurry."

"If you got a shower without the oxygen,
you would die."

My bubble burst.
The reality of the gravity of my disease hit me.

And yet,
 I knew
God's peace,
God's joy,
God's presence,
God's love. 

And God knew
my heart for Him,
my love for Him,
my peace in Him,
my assurance of Him.

Isn't it wonderful we have a God who doesn't care if 
we look like a bubble or a toothpick. 
Whether our hair is dirty or clean, 
He doesn't notice. 

I was a mess in my own eyes, 
but in God's eyes, well, 
He saw my heart.

" . . . . the Lord does not look at the things people look at. 
People look at the outward appearance, but 
the Lord looks at the heart." 
1 Samuel 16:7

 

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Thursday, March 18, 2021

My Covid Journey — The Love Behind the Mask


 Singing was great therapy for my spirit as well as my lungs.
I sang hymns, childhood rhymes, and happy songs.
 
Often making up my own lyrics, 
like this one to the tune of 
"Little Green Apples."

She wakes me at 5 a.m. and she says, 
"Hi." 
"Gotta give you a little poke and
 kiss this covid good-bye."

She holds my hand,
Loves with her eyes, and says,
"It's okay to cry."

Says a little prayer.
How I sense her care
so deep and so rare
she's willing to die.

And if that's not loving me?
Then all I've got to say,

 God protect the health care workers.
 Protect them from this disease.
Keep them safe from me.

My heart will never be the same, because 
I've known the love of Christ and the
beautiful people 
whose love can never be hidden
 behind a mask.

I will be forever thankful and appreciative of
health care workers who, 
in many ways,
suffer more than their patients.

Thank you, 
dear servants of God.
You touched my heart as you healed my disease.

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Monday, March 15, 2021

My covid Journey — The Nurse Saw an Angel


The supernatural can happen when severely ill.
God heals terminal patients.
Peace arrives in turmoil.
Joy replaces fear.
Angels surround your bed.
God takes an old lady and makes her beautiful.

Ha!
I'm that old lady.

In ICU with covid, I still needed my every-six-weeks cancer treatment.
The Corning cancer Center brought my three-hour infusion to my ICU room. 
For this procedure, I am sedated slightly.
You know, where you are aware of people talking but you are unable to respond.

On this day, I heard the nurses' conversation:

"I've never seen anyone in such a deep sleep."

"Isn't she beautiful."
 
 "She looks like an angel."

Are you kidding me?
Beautiful was not me on this day.
No shower.
No shampoo.
For. Over. Three. Weeks.

And yet,
the nurse saw an angel.

I've pondered this day in my covid recovery and realized
I was at my lowest and ugliest.

 But, 
the nurse saw an angel.
A supernatural event.

Perhaps closest to death, 
I was also closest to Jesus.
He so filled me with His Glory 
 that the reflection on my face was
Jesus Himself.

"And we, 
who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory,
are being transformed into His likeness 
with ever-increasing glory, 
which comes from the Lord, 
Who is the Spirit."
2 Corinthians 3:18  


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Sunday, March 14, 2021

My Covid Journey — The Big Guns Come Out


My doctors put out the big guns.
I am on an infusion marathon to fight covid-19.
IV's in both arms drip life and healing into my body.

We hope and we pray.

The biggest gun of all arrived.
Convalescent Plasma.
The bag above, 
filled with someone's plasma,
dripped life into my decaying body.

Drip.
Drip. 
Drip.

I stared at that yellow bag, 
knowing it was my last hope. 
There were no other drugs to give. 

  I cried  
All night. 
I couldn't stop crying.
    
My tears were joyful drops.
I prayed not for myself,
I prayed thanksgiving to the one who gave their life for me.

You see, someone, somewhere survived covid-19.
Whoever that person is,
 whose plasma was 
now dripping into my body, 
has a heart of gold.

They gave their time to go to a blood donation center.
They gave up time indulging themselves, 
and they thought of me.
Some old lady, 
they never met,
 so she can have a few more years to live.

They gave gas money,
 possibly sick time from their job, 

They gave time spent with the people they love
so I can have more time with the people I love.

Some say, 
"I'm done with covid. 
Now, let me go play."

Others say,
 "I'm done with covid.
 Now, who can I help this day?"

Thank you
convalescent plasma donors.
You rock.
You remind me of Jesus.
Just like Him,
you shed your blood so I can live.

"Be imitators of God, therefore,
as dearly loved children and
live a life of love,
just as Christ loved us and
gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and
sacrifice to God."
Ephesians 5:1-2

How can you live a life of love today?

Please consider being a blood donor.
You may save a life.
Just like Jesus.


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Friday, March 12, 2021

Our Covid Journey — When a Man Loves a Woman




 "So she became his wife, and
he loved her."
Genesis 24:64

 I have a man who sings me to sleep at night. 
One might think he carefully chose the songs, but 
they were too perfect for a human mind to put together.
 God The Holy Spirit, filled Dan with words of 
scripture, 
prayer,
 song,  
 love. 


I needed to breathe.
My body was not cooperating.
covid-19 ate away at my lungs
as God and Dan filled my heart with His love and His song.

 We clung to each other, as 
we clung to the Lord, 
watching, 
waiting, 
hoping,
devastated, but
 filled with hope and faith and trust as 
my condition declined.

We knew and believed the truth of Romans 8:38-39:

"I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love.
Neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons,
neither our fears for today
nor our worries about tomorrow —
not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.
No power in sky above or earth below —
indeed, nothing in all creation
will ever be able to separate us
from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Death can come at any time.
We rested in God's Sovereignty and love.
Thankful that over fifty years ago
I became Dan's wife, and he loved me.
Dan became my husband, and I loved him.
No regrets.

In life and in death
Jesus is our Savior.  
 He loves us and we love Him.
God placed a song in our hearts,
and so we believe and we breathe and we sing! 

Perhaps you know someone who needs a song today.
Don't wait to love the people you love.

 
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