Two Covid Journeys — Miles Apart

My oncologist encouraged me to write my covid journey. "People need to read what happened from the  point of view of someone who had and survived severe covid. It's history that needs to be told" he said. 

I've been unable to write a book of my experience. The closeness of God too precious and the pain of this disease to raw to find words. 

Penelope Childers wrote the book my doctor hoped to read: A Window of Hope: How We Survived COVID-19. 

https://www.amazon.com/Window-Hope-How-Survived-COVID-19/dp/B0BFV9G4LM/ref=sr_1_1?crid=OJM4QTW6322D&keywords=A+Window+of+Hope&qid=1682599894&s=books&sprefix=a+window+of+hope%2Cstripbooks%2C110&sr=1-1

Here's my amazon review of A Window of Hope: 

"The history, the heartbreak, the hope of a global pandemic that brought both unity and division. Penelope Childers takes us into her heart of peace as she determines to survive covid-19 from her ICU hospital room. Her daughter, Megan Pascual, writes of the frustration and horror in the hearts of family shut off on the other side of the hospital walls. A Window of Hope is a brilliant account of the facts and the feelings of life during the covid-19 pandemic."

Penelope's story and mine are similar, but different. We are close to the same age and suffered with covid at the same time. She was in ICU in a big-city California hospital. My ICU bed was in a small hospital (some would call rural) upstate New York. I was in a pleasant isolation room on the covid floor where I watched the sun come up every morning. Penny began her hospital journey in a curtained cubicle with other covid patients nearby. I brushed my teeth daily. Health care workers washed my hair and provided water and soap and lotion for me to take care of my daily needs. Penelope's teeth were not brushed for weeks. Nor was she able to bathe. Yikes!  Penny's husband and daughter were present through a window. Three stories up and unable to walk, I communicated with my family through facebook. Penny suffered severe constipation. I did not. Penny went to rehab. I went home. 

Hospitals treated covid patients differently, but always with great care and comfort. Dear healthcare workers did their best with this mystery disease, as they tried to sort the mess of covid attacking each patient in a variety of symptoms, side effects, and sicknesses. covid survivors live with heart, lung, and brain damage, while others do not.   

 Although separated by miles and different symptoms, 

One truth was sure.

Penny and I both experienced the overwhelming presence and peace of our loving Jesus. 

God consumed us as He healed us. 

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today, and forever"

Hebrews 13:8

May His presence bring you a splash of serenity every moment of your life,

The Thrill of Hope! My Word, Verse, and Song for 2022

Oh, I want to be that little boy.

To love Jesus and His Word so much that I howl with joy.

That's my hope for 2022.

Hope.

I confess to losing a lot of hope in 2021.

Covid turned my world upside down

as satan skillfully tempted me to lose heart.

Hoping to continue my speaking ministry was replaced by

hoping I could speak without losing my breath.

My hope to be the best grandma changed

to making sure I don't go near, kiss, or hold my little ones

who could so innocently infect this

immunocompromised body with another deadly bout with covid.

It's been crushing.

Not seeing my family.

Never entering a church building.

Losing the fellowship of Bible study with friends.

Watching my husband give up his life to keep me safe.

Expecting the vaccine to work and then

learning it is not effective on those with blood cancer.

Losing vocabulary and memories from covid brain interference.

ICU PTSD.

Developing phantosmia where my whole world smells like cat urine.

The tension with people who feel wearing a mask is stupid and

getting vaccinated unthinkable.

Life has been hard and hope seemed to wane.

Not this year!

In 2022 Hope is back!

My ability to continue as a speaker,

my smell,

my grandchildren,

my lungs,

my brain

may not be back, but

Hope is back!

My hope is in His unfailing love.

U-n-f-a-i-l-i-n-g!

Never ending,

inexhaustible,

steadfast,

absolute,

boundless,

eternal

Love of God

My word for 2022:

HOPE!

My verse for 2022:

". . . the Lord's delight is in those who fear him, those who put their hope in His unfailing love."

(Psalm 147:11)

This year I've also chosen words from a favorite Christmas carol, "Oh Holy Night."

"A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices for yonder breaks a new and glorious morn!"

A thrill of hope!

My weary world rejoices

for yonder breaks

a new and glorious morn!

Delight in me Lord Jesus

for my hope is in your unfailing love!

You Jesus are my hope and my song and I will ever trust in You!

I'm pretty thrilled to see what You will do

every new and glorious morn

in 2022!

Happy New Year, dear ones May your hearts overflow with hope!

My covid/cancer Journey — "It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over" ~ Yogi Berra

Like a baseball punch in the gut, 

the pain hit me as I read Sunday morning's e-mail, 

"Blood Cancer Patients are at High Risk of COVID-19 Vaccine Failure."

 For the first time in over thirteen months,

  I was going to church.

The excitement overtook me. 

I thought I would cry with joy. 

How I miss my friends, singing together, being in God's House, 

all of the preciousness of being a member of the family of God. 

A quick check of my e-mail brought the headline news.

 Although vaccinated and my four doctors saying

  I was safe to re-enter society, 

that Sunday's research revealed

the vaccine fails on the majority of blood cancer patients.

 For one of the few times on this journey,

 I cried. 

My tears of joy at returning to church 

turned to tears of sorrow.

A call to my doctor resulted in an appointment for an antibody test. 

In two weeks, I'll learn if I have immunity from covid-19 or not.  

The struggle is real. 

Pride had set in. 

I've been so strong. 

"You have the best attitude!" is repeated by many. 

Aren't I amazing! 

One person said, 

"You've been raised from the dead, twice!" 

Once with cancer and again with severe covid-19. 

This day I didn't feel strong, amazing, or having the best attitude. 

Instead of being raised from the dead,

I felt buried again.

What does a person do when 

filled with hope and 

wiped of hope simultaneously?

 I turned to God,

 prayed, 

pleaded,

 asked to understand why I was hit with another hurtle. 

God was silent.

Hmmm.

 Was He silent, or 

did I just not hear Him? 

Weakness of spirit became 

strength of spirit as 

 I once again surrendered my life, 

or my death, 

into the will of God. 

Then He arrived.

(Actually, He never left. I know that and you do too.) 

Jesus brought the disciples to my mind.

 How exciting to live life with Jesus, 

to eye-witness the miracles, 

to know His love day in and day out and 

have no doubts that Jesus is 

the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.

 He can and will do anything that pleases Him.

What shock to see all their dreams shattered

 — like a punch in the stomach — 

watching Him crucified, dead, and buried. 

No more miracles.

No more hope.

Love is dead. 

But Hallelujah!

 Jesus rose from the dead. 

He's alive!!! 

Tears of sorrow turn to tears of joy! 

Because friends, 

"It ain't over 'til it's over."

God reminded me of Jesus's words to Simon Peter after the resurrection:

 " . . . do you truly love me . . . .

 do you truly love me? . . . .

 do you love me? . . . . 

Do you love me? . . . . 

Follow me!" 

(Matthew 21:15-19)

Four times He asked Peter. 

And He now asks me and you

(please insert your name):

Elaine, do you truly love me? 

Elaine, do you truly love me? 

Elaine, do you love me? 

Elaine, do you love me?

 Elaine, follow me?

Yes, Lord. 

Yes, Lord. 

Yes, Lord. 

Yes, Lord. 

I will follow You and

 I trust You because 

no one knows it better than You, Lord, that

 "it ain't over 'til it's over." 

Hallelujah!