My Covid Journey — The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

"What joy!

He found my window. 

First time I've seen him in three weeks!

Thrill of my life being married to Dan Miller.

Soon I'll touch that handsome face and kiss those lips."

~ my thoughts on this day.

The nurses and I finangled a rendezvous at my window.

They knew healing comes when one is touched by love.

 I saw him.

He could only imagine my face behind a darkened window. 

Three weeks.

Without his touch. 

Living in uncertainty that we would ever touch again.

He cried, 

felt helpless, 

insufficient to improve my condition.

He would change places with me, 

if he could. 

But he couldn't.

What could he do?

He prayed. 

And prayed. 

Fasting and praying. 

Prone on the floor crying out to God for the life of his wife. 

 Jesus,

our sufficiency,

our healer,

 our hope.

He never lost sight of our faces, 

our needs, 

our love for each other, and 

our love for Him.

The weeks were long and pain-filled. 

Our God is eternal, and joy-filled.

Jesus. 

Our healer. 

The Love of our lives. 

The One Who joined us as husband and wife and 

called us to ministry together. 

He would trade places with us 

if He could.

He could.  

He did.

On a hill far away was an old rugged cross.

"Surely He took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows,

 yet we considered him stricken by God,

 smitten by Him and afflicted. 

But He was pierced for our transgressions, 

He was crushed for our iniquities; 

the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and 

by His wounds we are healed." 

Isaiah 53:4-5

My healing came because I was touched by Love.

Thank You,

 Jesus 

Our Covid Journey — When a Man Loves a Woman

 "So she became his wife, and

he loved her."

Genesis 24:64

 I have a man who sings me to sleep at night. 

One might think he carefully chose the songs, but 

they were too perfect for a human mind to put together.

 God The Holy Spirit, filled Dan with words of 

scripture, 

prayer,

 song,  

 love. 

I needed to breathe.

My body was not cooperating.

covid-19 ate away at my lungs

as God and Dan filled my heart with His love and His song.

 We clung to each other, as 

we clung to the Lord, 

watching, 

waiting, 

hoping,

devastated, but

 filled with hope and faith and trust as 

my condition declined.

We knew and believed the truth of Romans 8:38-39:

"I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love.

Neither death nor life,

neither angels nor demons,

neither our fears for today

nor our worries about tomorrow —

not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.

No power in sky above or earth below —

indeed, nothing in all creation

will ever be able to separate us

from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." 

Death can come at any time.

We rested in God's Sovereignty and love.

Thankful that over fifty years ago

I became Dan's wife, and he loved me.

Dan became my husband, and I loved him.

No regrets.

In life and in death

Jesus is our Savior.  

 He loves us and we love Him.

God placed a song in our hearts,

and so we believe and we breathe and we sing! 

Perhaps you know someone who needs a song today.

Don't wait to love the people you love.

 

My Covid Journey — If I Don't Laugh, I Might Cry

It was halloween night when I was rolled into an isolation room on the covid floor. 

The best I could do for a costume was a Steeler facemask. 

Weird, with masks, I couldn't tell if my caregivers were smiling or frowning. 

Masks hide smiles, so 

I explored their eyes. 

I saw love.

I saw compassion.

 I saw concern. 

I saw exhaustion. 

My heart broke for them. 

Guilt overwhelmed me. 

I wanted to scream

 "Don't touch me! I have covid!" 

Thoughts of 

What if I give them covid?

 Oh please, Lord, don't let their children or their grandparents get covid from me.

filled my mind.

It's an awful feeling having covid. 

I wanted to be shunned for carrying this awful disease in my body. 

Kept away from all I would harm.

But shunned, I was not. 

I was loved. 

I was cared for.

 I was touched.

The first nurse came bearing IV's galore! She smiled with her eyes and said, "Well this isn't a very nice way to spend Halloween!"

"I was thinking the same thing until I realized that every two hours a masked person comes through two closed doors and takes blood out of my body while I am attached to the wall via an oxygen tube. If I try to escape, I die. Sounds a little bit like halloween to me!" 

"You're right," she said. 

We both laughed.

Laughter.

 It is good medicine. 

 The Bible tells me so. 

I like to laugh.

So, I decided whether I died or survived, 

I'd go out with a smile, 

laughing all the way to my home or to Heaven. 

 I occupied my mind with thoughts of how I could bring joy to

 tired, weary, hurting, scared healthcare workers, 

as these sweet servants brought joy to

 tired, weary, hurting, scared me. 

Keeping one's thoughts and fears off oneself and giving joy to others,

 is a healing practice.

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. 

Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

 not looking to your own interest 

but each of you to the interests of others." 

Philippians 2:3-4

As the nurses left my room, 

 The reality of my condition came upon me. 

 I cried.

 I needed to release those tears.

 I never cried again. 

The worst part of covid aren't the tears, 

it's the guilt.

The guilt of causing such pain to the people who love you.

The guilt of possibly giving covid to a medical worker or housekeeper.

The guilt of people taking my covid home on their clothes.

The possibility I will give someone else this brutal disease.

Guilt.

It's not of the Lord. It's of satan.

I was sad.

But God won my spiritual battle.

Jesus wrapped His Arms around me and held me tight — never letting go. 

The guilt and sadness went away

as joy filled my heart.

And I laughed.

Splashes of Serenity,

My Journey with Covid — Isolated, in Covid Prison

The doors closed. Then another set of doors closed.  In covidland (as the covid ward was called),  I was placed behind two sets of doors in isolation.  

 I don't know if this was one of my hallucinations or not, but covidland hallways were decorated with red, yellow, green, and blue squares going in a row — like Candyland. Whether I imagined that or not, I did laugh when I saw the squares. Laughter is good medicine, so I was on my way to healing as soon as I hit the covidland floor.

When cancer came five years ago, I determined to see my cancer as an opportunity and not an obstacle in my life. Believing that God ordains every day, I looked for and anticipated opportunities to be used by God and to learn more of God while in isolation. I trusted Him to carry me along the covid way no matter which color square we landed.

The two sets of doors shut and I knew I could shout or scream and no one would hear me. So, I did just that! I shouted praise to God and screamed (actually, I sang) hymns to God. A healing balm filled my soul as I cried out prayers of love and thankfulness. 

Being in isolation, with a not-very-long oxygen hose connecting my nose with a life-sustaining oxygen tank anchored to the wall, I had no means of escape. I was in covid prison.

But God. He reminded me of Joseph in prison. In the Bible, we read the account:

 " . . . [the guard] put them [Paul and Silas] in the inner cell and 

fastened their feet in the stocks. 

About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, 

and the other prisoners were listening to them." 

Acts 16:24-25

I love that they sang "and other prisoners were listening." God gives us an audience when we sing praises. In isolation (and in all of life) we have a choice. We can sing or we can sass. Be nice or be nasty. (I always recommend the "be nice" especially in a hospital where other people hold the needle). What good does nasty and sassy do us? None. Instead,

"Rejoice always,

 pray continually,

 give thanks in all circumstances;

 for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

 Thessalonians 5:16:18

God's will for me that day was to sing in a covid prison. What joy to know, as prisoners listened to Paul, a nurse listened to me.

"Wow! Last night you couldn't put two words together. 

This morning I come in and you are singing!"  

She smiled and placed the stethoscope on my chest.

 "Now, let's hear what's happening in your heart."

"Jesus is happening in my heart! Hallelujah!"

I replied without hesitation.

The 2020 pandemic feels like isolation and prison to many of us. No matter our troubles, we can know Jesus is happening in our hearts. Hallelujah! Sing out! Rejoice always! Pray without ceasing! In everything give thanks! And people will listen.

My Journey with Covid-19 — Hallucinations

God provided entertainment along my covid way and during my hospital stay in the form of hallucinations. 

Covid-19 hits people in many ways. There is no rhyme or reason to this disease. Some lose lung function, others have heart damage, and  not a few have brain impairment. Fortunately, when covid enters the brain, it does not stay. There is no permanent brain damage. Just some stories to tell your grandkids along the way. Enjoy my three run-ins with hallucinations:

1. Honestly, the hundreds of frogs on my ceiling were adorable. They entertained me through some long covid days. 

2. When a friend visited, I was surprised and happy to see her. How did she evade the isolation guards? Visitors were prohibited. But, there she was at my bedside ready to put some fun in my day. 

"Your bed looks too small. Let's make it bigger. In fact, let's turn it into a big boat!"

Next thing I knew, my friend and I were flying around the room in a beautiful and colorful boat. What fun!!! After a time, I grew tired and dizzy and asked my friend to stop the boat.

"Alright," she said reluctantly. "But look at this room. It's a mess! I'm going to move all the furniture around and make your room beautiful!"

When I woke up, my furniture was all in a different place. I have no idea how that happened. The nurses accused me of getting out of bed and moving the furniture, although they had no explanation how I had the strength.  Or, perhaps, that was an hallucination too!

3. Waking up, I had no idea who I was, where I was, or why I was? The walls were bare, the furniture unfamiliar. Where am I? What's my name? Why am I here? I had no clue. My eyes roamed the room until I saw the person at the top of this blog post. (She was not an hallucination). I realized then that I had been abducted by space aliens! Yikes. My nurse was kind and assured me I was Elaine in Corning Hospital being treated for covid-19.

God reminded me, and I want to remind you:

God knows your name.

He knows the walls about you.

He holds you and He will never let you go.

"Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my  hands;

Your walls are continually before me."

Isaiah 49:16

God is not an hallucination.

God is not a space alien.

God is real.

He will knock down those walls of doubt and fear.

Cling to Jesus.

He'll get you through all of life's crises.

Further reading on Covid-19 hallucinations:

According to a recent review of studies in Psychology Research and Behavior Management, COVID-19 infections have been triggering such hallucinations . . .  

It's not fully understood why this happens, but one idea is that patients with severe COVID-19 infection “may have a little brain damage from chronically low levels of oxygen going to the brain, due to COVID causing the lungs not to oxygenate the blood as well,” explains Pravin George, a staff neurointensivist at Cleveland Clinic. “It could also be that COVID itself is attacking the brain directly in certain patients.”

The good news is the brain damage is temporary. I am now in control of all my thoughts. The frogs are gone. My furniture isn't moving. And I know who I am, where I am, and why I am here. Hallelujah! 

Have a splashes of serenity kind of day! 

My Journey with Covid-19 ← Avoiding Covid Like the Plague

Many have followed my on-going, five-month journey with Covid-19. Thank you for your prayers, love, and encouragement. God has done great things and I will be eternally thankful. 

 "Please write a book about Covid-19" is a frequent comment on my social media. I'll write another book if God leads me, and, so far, no leading from God. I suspect He is still teaching me all I need to learn from this covid journey. For now, I'll write a blog documenting my journey. 

Where do I begin? I'll begin at the beginning.

With chronic lymphocytic leukemia (a cancer of the immune system), a compromised immune system, and age 72, I am a sweet target for the covid bug. All the experts told us how to avoid this plague. Dan and I were so obedient. Since March 1, 2020, no church, no stores, no restaurants, one haircut. How did I get it? I'm not sure. 

Oh yes. We did celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary at a Cape Cod bed & breakfast. We were almost the only ones there. We had a blast avoiding the covid curse, laughing as we ate lobster on our laps in the car. But, I didn't get covid in Cape Cod. Hmmm. "I didn't Get Covid in Cape Cod" sounds like a country and western silly song. 

Except covid isn't silly. 

It's serious.

 It's awful. 

It's real.

 It's deadly.

Confident that we had survived our Cape Cod trip and learned covid travel tips along the way. Like stopping in the back woods and not into a gas station restroom, we planned a visit to South Dakota to celebrate our son's 40th birthday.  All packed and ready to go, Dan and I were excited to visit our son and his family. Anticipating our middle-of-the-night departure, we went to bed early on October 5, 2020. Instead of an alarm, I was awakened by Dan saying,

"I have a fever. You had better sleep in the guest room." 

Two days later he tested positive for covid-19. Four days later I tested positive. His sickness was relatively mild. So was mine, at first. But I progressed to coughing until my throat was raw, and my body knew nothing but extreme fatigue. 

Dan's brother read that people should check their oxygen levels. He gave us his oximeter. I had never heard of this medical device. Today, I sleep with it. At first my oxygen level was normal — in the 90's. As weeks went by, I did not get better. I became weaker and weaker. 

A call to my doctor gave instructions to "Go to the emergency room, call them ahead, let them know you have covid-19." The ER doctor took x-rays and checked my oxygen. All looked pretty normal for a covid patient. He sent us home informing us that the only people admitted to the hospital are those with low oxygen. "We can't admit everyone who comes in with covid because there is no treatment for covid unless your oxygen is below normal."    

Phew. We dodged that bullet. 

I thought I must be on the road to recovery. 

A week later, on October 30, my health continuing to decline,

 I used my oximeter and was surprised to see the reading — 

68. 

To my recollection, a week before, the 02 was in the normal range.

Another call to my doctor reaped urgent instructions to go to the ER immediately. Another x-ray and a check of my oxygen confirmed that covid-19 had worsened to covid pneumonia. 

Headed for isolation and no visitors, 

I kissed my love for what we both knew might be the very last time. 

My prognosis was grim.

 But God. 

Funny, what you think about in isolation. I laughed that for our very last kiss — maybe ever — we wore masks!  Fortunately, we continue to have many kisses — without a mask, but with an oxygen tube descending from my nose. That's for a future blog. 

The wonderful peace that passes all understanding enveloped me as the wheels of my bed carried me through hospital corridors into isolation. 

Alone. 

But not alone. 

Jesus held me. 

I felt the Holy Spirit and God's angels surround me with His love and care. 

Wow! 

One of those God moments you never want to miss.

There was no anxiety, as the world might expect.

Instead

Scriptures filled my mind.

"I am with you always."

"Never will I leave you."

"I will fight for you. 

You need only to be still."

And the verse of hope God spoke to my heart for the next three and one-half weeks in isolation:

"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, 

that I might show you My power and 

that My Name might be proclaimed in all the earth."

 Exodus 9:16

No matter what happens in life, we need never fear. There is always a "But God . . . "  

As the Holy Spirit leads, stay tuned for more blogs of my covid journey. Thanks for sharing these days with me.

Splashes of Serenity prayed for you. That wonderful serenity that comes from a heart and mind fixed on Jesus.