My covid Journey: ICU was a Piece of Cake Compared to Now

 

Wow! This covid journey is hard. While the rest of the world resumes normal life, I stay away from humans (except for Dan and an occasional hug from my grandkids). Why? I've been vaccinated three times, survived cancer, survived severe covid, yet here I sit. Me and many others with blood cancer.

September is blood cancer awareness month. So, I am making my readers aware of the complications of blood cancer, especially those with chronic lymphocytic leukemia (cll), and our struggle to avoid covid.

 The struggle is real because:

1. Cll patients are at the highest of high risk to be infected with covid. If covid is in the air (and it is) we'll catch it. I did, last October. Today, I still need an oxygen tube when I sleep. Forty percent of my lungs are filled with scar tissue. The jury is still out about covid damage to other organs. No, covid is not just like the flu!

2. Cll patients are at the highest of high risk to suffer severe covid, hospitalization, ICU, and death. I didn't avoid the first three, but God chose life for me. Now, I wait for wisdom from Him how to live each day in victory and praise to Him. 

3. The vaccine often does not produce antibodies in cll patients. After my first vaccine, I had zero antibodies. My second vaccine reaped 53. No one seems to know what a normal antibody reading is, but I heard as many as 40,000. Fifty-three left me happy, but not thrilled and not safe. We are waiting for the results of my third vaccine and praying it boosts my antibodies.

Thank you for your prayers. Thank you to my God Who leads me along the paths of still waters on bike rides, hikes, and golf outings with my dear husband. Dan makes every day a fun adventure as we explore the big outdoors and refrain from crowds. Oh, but I do miss my church. 

My antibodies aren't running over, but my cup runneth over. I am so thankful for the love I know from my Lord, my husband, my children and grandchildren, and many friends. You have been the best. 

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters, 

He restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23

I pray you have many splashes of serenity in your day,

My covid Journey — It's a Long, Long Road

 The past weeks of covid Recovery have been hard. 

Shame on me for not coming to you for prayer.

 I was hiding behind the lilac bush

 (which I can not smell, btw), 

too disappointed, 

too sad, 

too tired 

to share the latest test results. 

Forgive me.

 I will hide no more. 

Your prayers lift me up, 

fill me, 

encourage me, and

keep satan from winning the war for my health 

(spiritual and physical). 

Test Result No. 1:

I have no antibodies to protect me from contracting covid again.

A few weeks ago I was so excited I couldn't sleep.

 Free, at last!

 Two weeks after my second vaccine shot, 

 I was released into my wonderful world of 

family, 

friends, 

church, 

speaking events! 

Woo Hoo!!!

Before I could get out the door, 

the e-mail came.

 Research found that people with cll

 (chronic lymphocytic leukemia, which is cancer of the immune system)

 may not be protected by any of the vaccines. 

What? 

I cried. 

I stayed home.

My doctor scheduled a blood test to determine if I did indeed have antibodies.

 Nope! 

Negative!

 Nada!

 Nil! 

Not a one!!!

 No antibodies found after having severe covid, 

receiving convalescent, 

and the vaccine. 

Crushed. 

My heart couldn't hold the tears spilling over my cheeks. 

My dear doctor assured me this test was not conclusive.

 But there is no sure test at this time for cll patients. 

So, I wait.

Travelling down a long, long road.

Each day I walk, read, pray, 

and breathe.

Thankful that 

the God of Hope does indeed fill me with 

all joy and peace as 

I trust in Him.

(Romans 15:13)

Good news!

Researchers are hopeful a booster shot will be available soon for people with immune deficiencies.

 

Please note: The lack of vaccine efficacy applies only to cll patients and those with immune deficiencies. Please contact your doctor regarding your own vaccine effectiveness. 

Test Result No. 2:

I still need supplemental oxygen.

Forty percent of my lungs are damaged from covid.

 Miraculous, but 

 I have not needed supplemental oxygen during the day for many months.

You are all good prayers!!!

We have a God Who heals and He heals me!

I've walked from London to Paris (according to my step tracker),

I mow an acre of grass every week.

Two hour bike rides are the norm.

Life is great!

I abound with energy and enthusiasm.

But, while sleeping 

my oxygen level falls to 76

(normal O2 is 88 while sleeping, 94 while awake).

 Bummer. 

In the hospital I named my oxygen tube "Husband." 

The oxygen tube was warm and cozy and had to stay next to me

 — just like a husband. 

Well, phooey!

My real husband warms me much better, so

please pray I can breathe at night and

rid our marriage bed and my lungs of this incumbrance.

Always thanking God for your prayers for me.

God sent forth an army to restore life.

Thank you.

Thanking God that He breathed into my nostrils the breath of life!

Hallelujah!

I will forever praise Him!

"God formed man of dust from the ground, and

breathed into his nostrils

the breath of life"

(Genesis 2:7)

My covid/cancer Journey — "It Ain't Over 'Til It's Over" ~ Yogi Berra

Like a baseball punch in the gut, 

the pain hit me as I read Sunday morning's e-mail, 

"Blood Cancer Patients are at High Risk of COVID-19 Vaccine Failure."

 For the first time in over thirteen months,

  I was going to church.

The excitement overtook me. 

I thought I would cry with joy. 

How I miss my friends, singing together, being in God's House, 

all of the preciousness of being a member of the family of God. 

A quick check of my e-mail brought the headline news.

 Although vaccinated and my four doctors saying

  I was safe to re-enter society, 

that Sunday's research revealed

the vaccine fails on the majority of blood cancer patients.

 For one of the few times on this journey,

 I cried. 

My tears of joy at returning to church 

turned to tears of sorrow.

A call to my doctor resulted in an appointment for an antibody test. 

In two weeks, I'll learn if I have immunity from covid-19 or not.  

The struggle is real. 

Pride had set in. 

I've been so strong. 

"You have the best attitude!" is repeated by many. 

Aren't I amazing! 

One person said, 

"You've been raised from the dead, twice!" 

Once with cancer and again with severe covid-19. 

This day I didn't feel strong, amazing, or having the best attitude. 

Instead of being raised from the dead,

I felt buried again.

What does a person do when 

filled with hope and 

wiped of hope simultaneously?

 I turned to God,

 prayed, 

pleaded,

 asked to understand why I was hit with another hurtle. 

God was silent.

Hmmm.

 Was He silent, or 

did I just not hear Him? 

Weakness of spirit became 

strength of spirit as 

 I once again surrendered my life, 

or my death, 

into the will of God. 

Then He arrived.

(Actually, He never left. I know that and you do too.) 

Jesus brought the disciples to my mind.

 How exciting to live life with Jesus, 

to eye-witness the miracles, 

to know His love day in and day out and 

have no doubts that Jesus is 

the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.

 He can and will do anything that pleases Him.

What shock to see all their dreams shattered

 — like a punch in the stomach — 

watching Him crucified, dead, and buried. 

No more miracles.

No more hope.

Love is dead. 

But Hallelujah!

 Jesus rose from the dead. 

He's alive!!! 

Tears of sorrow turn to tears of joy! 

Because friends, 

"It ain't over 'til it's over."

God reminded me of Jesus's words to Simon Peter after the resurrection:

 " . . . do you truly love me . . . .

 do you truly love me? . . . .

 do you love me? . . . . 

Do you love me? . . . . 

Follow me!" 

(Matthew 21:15-19)

Four times He asked Peter. 

And He now asks me and you

(please insert your name):

Elaine, do you truly love me? 

Elaine, do you truly love me? 

Elaine, do you love me? 

Elaine, do you love me?

 Elaine, follow me?

Yes, Lord. 

Yes, Lord. 

Yes, Lord. 

Yes, Lord. 

I will follow You and

 I trust You because 

no one knows it better than You, Lord, that

 "it ain't over 'til it's over." 

Hallelujah!