My covid Journey — The Best Year of My Life

What a mixed-bag of emotions!

"You won't get covid again. 

If you do, it won't be severe. 

You are free! 

Go to church, 

go to the store, 

restaurants,

 travel, 

go anywhere and everywhere!"

My heart skipped higher than my feet sailing out of Roswell Cancer Center yesterday.

After 13 months of isolation,

 I was free!

We celebrated with in-restaurant dining.

Good, but not as good as Dan's cooking.

My glee!

Giddy at the prospects of where I would go first:

Family

Friends

Church

Mani/pedi

Walmart

 

The list was endless. 

So much missed in 13 months.

My mind became cluttered quickly.

Slow down, Elaine, 

you still have 40 percent of your lungs damaged. 

Ease into, 

don't jump into,

 life as you once lived.

This morning, I woke to our slow-paced, covid-pandemic lifestyle.

Coffee and breakfast together.

Talking, waking up, talking some more,

Reading our devotional book, our Bibles and praying together.

Slow, no schedule, relaxed.

Thankful, I realized this year was a gift to us.

Together. 

This is the year life stopped and we found each other.

Without the pandemic, I may never have noticed Dan's love in action.

We cooked, 

 talked, 

played games, 

 laughed,

healed, 

 loved.

Like a year-long honeymoon, 

our love deepened, 

our communication understood. 

Soon, I realized this was more than our love story.

God revealed His love story for us.

Sick with covid, 

we had no choice but to 

stop and 

surrender

our lives and 

our dreams to

 our Savior. 

We fell at His feet and realized our utter dependence upon Jesus.

Nothing else mattered.

Not family,

friends,

church,

mani/pedi,

or Walmart

Only Jesus and

Jesus was enough. 

A life surrendered to Jesus is always the best year of one's life.

"And we know that God causes everything to work together 

for the good of those 

who love God and

 are called according to His purpose for them." 

Romans 8:28

My covid Journey — The Three C's — Christ, cancer, covid

cancer and covid are similar diseases. 

Both cause 

pain, 

fear, and 

death as 

each maim and eat away at organs essential to live. 

cancer and covid attack in varying degrees. 

Whether we barely notice the symptoms, or 

suffer for the rest of our shortened lives, 

no one would choose either of these little c's.

I have cancer and I am still recovering from covid.

 My human suffering with covid was more severe than with cancer. 

I came closer to death with covid than with cancer. 

With covid I was isolated, 

with cancer I was surrounded by my loved ones.

 Leaving for my covid hospitalization, 

I could barely think, but 

I knew my Bible and my book, 

Praise the Lord and Pass the Chemo: A Hopeful Response to a Hard Reality would

 bring comfort and a reminder that 

Christ is my big C. 

Not covid. 

Not cancer.  

"Christ is the Big C" is 

a chapter in Praise the Lord and Pass the Chemo. 

Be encouraged by the following excerpt from that chapter. 

I've replaced the word "cancer" with the word "covid." 

They both apply. 

 Believe me!

 I know.

"covid is not the big C. Christ is the big C.

If we let covid replace Christ as our big C, 

our hearts may become bitter, or 

angry, or 

depressed, or 

anxious, or

 afraid, or

 all of these. 

 But when Christ takes His rightful place in our hearts,

 He fills us with His love,

 joy, 

peace, 

trust, and

 hope. 

So when the doubts and anxieties arise 

— and they will — 

let us remember who is the big C in our lives.

 Focus on Christ, not covid. 

And this is the secret

 — Christ lives in you! 

Who is more powerful in your life? 

Christ or covid?

 covid can eat away at your bones and cells,

 but covid can't touch your soul.

 covid can steal time,

 but covid can't take away a moment God planned for you. 

covid will not win the victory for your life.

 Christ already won it.

 Jesus Christ is the Big C.

 Keep your eyes on Jesus Christ the healer, 

not on covid the destroyer. 

covid is vicious, 

but Christ is the Victory!"

Christ is the Big C. 

"I have been crucified with Christ; and

 I no longer live, 

but Christ lives in me." 

Galatians 2:20

If you are looking for a book for yourself or to give a covid patient, I recommend Praise the Lord and Pass the Chemo. Trust me. Covid patients need A Hopeful Response to the Hard Reality of covid.

My Covid Journey — When My Bubble Burst

The writing was on the wall.

I woke each morning to a white board greeting:

Elaine Miller weight _________________.

Well, good morning to you too!

Will someone send me a sledgehammer please.

The truth is the drugs pumped into me 24/7 made me round.

I laughed realizing five years ago 

when diagnosed with leukemia and a compromised immune system,

"You need to live in a bubble."

 were my oncologist's instructions.

Covid popped that bubble.

So, instead of living in a bubble, ha!

I was round like a bubble.

And my dear Dan says,

"You'll be my bubbleicious!"

Unfortunately, neither bubble baths nor showers are 

safe for anyone on massive oxygen.

 "Spa Day," 

announced a health care worker.

 What a great scalp massage she gave, 

washing my hair using the

cute shower cap filled with dry shampoo.

After weeks of dry shampoos, 

I was hungry for a real shower and shampoo.

My request was denied.

"You can not take that amount of oxygen into a shower.   

It isn't safe."

The nurse's response was final.

 "Easy solution! 

Take me off the oxygen and 

let me jump in the shower for a real quick shampoo.

I promise, I'll hurry."

"If you got a shower without the oxygen,

you would die."

My bubble burst.

The reality of the gravity of my disease hit me.

And yet,

 I knew

God's peace,

God's joy,

God's presence,

God's love. 

And God knew

my heart for Him,

my love for Him,

my peace in Him,

my assurance of Him.

Isn't it wonderful we have a God who doesn't care if 

we look like a bubble or a toothpick. 

Whether our hair is dirty or clean, 

He doesn't notice. 

I was a mess in my own eyes, 

but in God's eyes, well, 

He saw my heart.

" . . . . the Lord does not look at the things people look at. 

People look at the outward appearance, but 

the Lord looks at the heart." 

1 Samuel 16:7

 

My covid Journey — The Nurse Saw an Angel

The supernatural can happen when severely ill.

God heals terminal patients.

Peace arrives in turmoil.

Joy replaces fear.

Angels surround your bed.

God takes an old lady and makes her beautiful.

Ha!

I'm that old lady.

In ICU with covid, I still needed my every-six-weeks cancer treatment.

The Corning cancer Center brought my three-hour infusion to my ICU room. 

For this procedure, I am sedated slightly.

You know, where you are aware of people talking but you are unable to respond.

On this day, I heard the nurses' conversation:

"I've never seen anyone in such a deep sleep."

"Isn't she beautiful."

 

 "She looks like an angel."

Are you kidding me?

Beautiful was not me on this day.

No shower.

No shampoo.

For. Over. Three. Weeks.

And yet,

the nurse saw an angel.

I've pondered this day in my covid recovery and realized

I was at my lowest and ugliest.

 But, 

the nurse saw an angel.

A supernatural event.

Perhaps closest to death, 

I was also closest to Jesus.

He so filled me with His Glory 

 that the reflection on my face was

Jesus Himself.

"And we, 

who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory,

are being transformed into His likeness 

with ever-increasing glory, 

which comes from the Lord, 

Who is the Spirit."

2 Corinthians 3:18  

My Covid Journey — Road Trip — ICU

My oxygen level fell fast.

"We're taking you to ICU." 

 Making light of a serious situation, I responded,

 "Road Trip — ICU!"

Waving the Queen's wave all the way down the hall, I smiled and greeted my new team of caregivers.  

Intensive Care Unit.

 Not a good place for blood cancer patients who have 

  a high mortality rate when their covid-19 diagnosis warrants a trip to ICU.

Like a rock, I delivered the blow to my family. 

 Crushing. 

My husband pledged his undying (appropriate term) love to me.

 My children stayed strong for mom and dad.

Too numb for words.

 

My oldest broke the shock with her comfort and wisdom,

 "I'm glad you are going to ICU. 

They will know how to take care of you and make you better." 

She was right.

Keeping my eyes and thoughts on Jesus,

 I remembered His words on the cross, 

"My God, my God why have you forsaken me?" 

I didn't feel like Jesus felt.

God had not forsaken me. 

He was never closer. 

Total peace, 

calm, and

 excitement as

 I realized,

"Wow! I might see Jesus soon. 

Heaven, here I come!"

I thought of  Jesus.

Days before He died

He asked His disciples to pray with Him. 

They didn't pray. 

They fell asleep. 

My friends, however, continued to keep watch.

 Prayers poured in — all day and all night. 

A mighty army of prayers covered me. 

God never left me.

Thankful for each prayer,  

I slept in the knowledge that

if I died, it wasn't for lack of people praying for me.

Startled.

Bells woke me in the middle of the night.

I wondered,

Why are bells ringing?

Do bells ring when you go to Heaven?

Is that "my bell" announcing my arrival to the Heavenlies?

Startled again.

 A shrill Stop! whistle.

  I hear my husband's voice pleading,

"Please God don't take her from me."

Hallucination? or

Was I so near Heaven, 

I heard my husband communing with God and 

experiencing God's answer to prayer in real time?

Either way, 

the night was powerful and 

the beginning to my road trip to recovery.

How about you? 

Do you know for sure you will go to Heaven?

Are you excited to go to Heaven?

If not,

please read the New Testament, 

speak to a Bible-teaching minister, 

talk to me, 

ask a Christian friend,

 go to a Bible-teaching church,

give your heart and life to Jesus. 

"For God so loved the world that 

He gave his one and only Son, that 

whoever believes in Him 

shall not perish 

but have eternal life."

John 3:16

My Covid Journey — Why Me? covid-19 Was Not in My Five-Year Plan

Why? 

Why am I here isolated in a covid ward? 

Ha! 

For the same reason you are there!

To glorify God.

To bring light and hope to a dark and hopeless world.

When cancer surprised me five years ago, 

instead of wondering 

Why me?

I pondered

What now? 

How then will I live the rest of my days?

I determined to see my cancer as an opportunity to 

 bless the people in my new cancer world.

Not an obstacle to God's plan (or my plan) for my life, or

a reason to complain and be miserable.

 I must admit though,

covid-19 was not in my five year plan.

Believing God has a plan and a purpose for every day of my life,

I asked Him to reveal His purpose for me in the covid season of my life.

Look around you, Elaine. 

You are surrounded by hurting people.

What can you do to help them?

I can pray.

If these were my final days,

I wanted to end them well,

with joy,

smiling,

praying,

watching for opportunities to bless.

  I was overwhelmed with 

love and prayers and compassion for Caregivers.

As I watched, 

I saw 

their suffering,

their exhaustion,

their tears,

their sacrifice,

their daily dance with death.  

They risk their lives so I might live.

They silently serve sacrificially.

My purpose in a hospital covid bed?

 Pray for every person who entered my room.

Doctors, 

nurses, 

phlebotomists,

 physical therapists, 

respiration therapists,

 food deliverers, 

cleaners.

All sacrificed their health to care for contagious covid sufferers. 

And they did so with such love.

What was the result?

Some cried.

Some returned my prayer.

All thanked me.

Some held me,

touched me (not recommended in covidland),

and prayed with me.

We cried together and trusted Jesus, 

knowing as Moses knew when God spoke to him during a plague,

"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, 

that I might show you My power and 

that My Name might be proclaimed in all the earth." 

Exodus 9:16 

When our days are weary, 

let's not ask God, "why?" 

Instead, realize there is a purpose in suffering. 

Proclaim His Name.

Show His Power!

And watch the suffering fade away.

 

Splashes of Serenity,

Our Journey With Covid — Separation

Crushed.  Dan, who always protects, provides, and cares for me, felt helpless to care for me now.

Thank You, Lord, for facetime. We talked and talked and talked. Both of us knew the outcome of my bout with covid-19 may end in a funeral. Dan and I spoke words of love and thanksgiving we needed to say. How thankful I am for that opportunity. Those who die suddenly, never get a good-bye. We said good-bye. We planned my funeral (my idea, not Dan's). We laughed, we cried, we prayed, we sang. We held on to each other and clung to God together in heart, if not in body. We hoped. We trusted. We treasured our time.

Daily, Dan drove to the hospital so he could be as close to me as possible. Parked in the hospital parking lot, he cried out to God for my healing. He fasted and prayed for days. 

"The Covidland Casanova (as the nurses referred to Dan) delivered a daily gift to me, via the reception desk in the hospital lobby.  

Yes. We were separated, but in many ways we were closer than ever. We knew nothing could separate us from our love for each other or our love for God. The day we wed we became one. Oneness can not become two. 

"For I am convinced that

neither death nor life,

neither angels nor demons,

neither the present nor the future,

nor any powers,

neither height nor depth,

nor anything else in all creation,

will be able to separate us from

the love of God that is in

Christ Jesus."

Romans 8:38-39

As covid-19 invaded my lungs, Dan's love for me and my love for him filled our hearts. Oh, shame on us for ever taking for granted or overlooking the sweetness of married love and the speediness of life lived not treasuring every moment.

 Open your eyes, lovers! 

Let go of the stupid stuff that irritates.*   

Enjoy each other!

 Play!

 Laugh! 

Don't live with regrets. 

Don't wait! 

Love strong! 

Love deep! 

Love now!

*My book, We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can, will help you esteem your spouse as a gift to treasure, not as an idiot to tolerate.

Happy loving!

My Journey with Covid — Isolated, in Covid Prison

The doors closed. Then another set of doors closed.  In covidland (as the covid ward was called),  I was placed behind two sets of doors in isolation.  

 I don't know if this was one of my hallucinations or not, but covidland hallways were decorated with red, yellow, green, and blue squares going in a row — like Candyland. Whether I imagined that or not, I did laugh when I saw the squares. Laughter is good medicine, so I was on my way to healing as soon as I hit the covidland floor.

When cancer came five years ago, I determined to see my cancer as an opportunity and not an obstacle in my life. Believing that God ordains every day, I looked for and anticipated opportunities to be used by God and to learn more of God while in isolation. I trusted Him to carry me along the covid way no matter which color square we landed.

The two sets of doors shut and I knew I could shout or scream and no one would hear me. So, I did just that! I shouted praise to God and screamed (actually, I sang) hymns to God. A healing balm filled my soul as I cried out prayers of love and thankfulness. 

Being in isolation, with a not-very-long oxygen hose connecting my nose with a life-sustaining oxygen tank anchored to the wall, I had no means of escape. I was in covid prison.

But God. He reminded me of Joseph in prison. In the Bible, we read the account:

 " . . . [the guard] put them [Paul and Silas] in the inner cell and 

fastened their feet in the stocks. 

About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, 

and the other prisoners were listening to them." 

Acts 16:24-25

I love that they sang "and other prisoners were listening." God gives us an audience when we sing praises. In isolation (and in all of life) we have a choice. We can sing or we can sass. Be nice or be nasty. (I always recommend the "be nice" especially in a hospital where other people hold the needle). What good does nasty and sassy do us? None. Instead,

"Rejoice always,

 pray continually,

 give thanks in all circumstances;

 for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

 Thessalonians 5:16:18

God's will for me that day was to sing in a covid prison. What joy to know, as prisoners listened to Paul, a nurse listened to me.

"Wow! Last night you couldn't put two words together. 

This morning I come in and you are singing!"  

She smiled and placed the stethoscope on my chest.

 "Now, let's hear what's happening in your heart."

"Jesus is happening in my heart! Hallelujah!"

I replied without hesitation.

The 2020 pandemic feels like isolation and prison to many of us. No matter our troubles, we can know Jesus is happening in our hearts. Hallelujah! Sing out! Rejoice always! Pray without ceasing! In everything give thanks! And people will listen.

My Journey with Covid-19 ← Avoiding Covid Like the Plague

Many have followed my on-going, five-month journey with Covid-19. Thank you for your prayers, love, and encouragement. God has done great things and I will be eternally thankful. 

 "Please write a book about Covid-19" is a frequent comment on my social media. I'll write another book if God leads me, and, so far, no leading from God. I suspect He is still teaching me all I need to learn from this covid journey. For now, I'll write a blog documenting my journey. 

Where do I begin? I'll begin at the beginning.

With chronic lymphocytic leukemia (a cancer of the immune system), a compromised immune system, and age 72, I am a sweet target for the covid bug. All the experts told us how to avoid this plague. Dan and I were so obedient. Since March 1, 2020, no church, no stores, no restaurants, one haircut. How did I get it? I'm not sure. 

Oh yes. We did celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary at a Cape Cod bed & breakfast. We were almost the only ones there. We had a blast avoiding the covid curse, laughing as we ate lobster on our laps in the car. But, I didn't get covid in Cape Cod. Hmmm. "I didn't Get Covid in Cape Cod" sounds like a country and western silly song. 

Except covid isn't silly. 

It's serious.

 It's awful. 

It's real.

 It's deadly.

Confident that we had survived our Cape Cod trip and learned covid travel tips along the way. Like stopping in the back woods and not into a gas station restroom, we planned a visit to South Dakota to celebrate our son's 40th birthday.  All packed and ready to go, Dan and I were excited to visit our son and his family. Anticipating our middle-of-the-night departure, we went to bed early on October 5, 2020. Instead of an alarm, I was awakened by Dan saying,

"I have a fever. You had better sleep in the guest room." 

Two days later he tested positive for covid-19. Four days later I tested positive. His sickness was relatively mild. So was mine, at first. But I progressed to coughing until my throat was raw, and my body knew nothing but extreme fatigue. 

Dan's brother read that people should check their oxygen levels. He gave us his oximeter. I had never heard of this medical device. Today, I sleep with it. At first my oxygen level was normal — in the 90's. As weeks went by, I did not get better. I became weaker and weaker. 

A call to my doctor gave instructions to "Go to the emergency room, call them ahead, let them know you have covid-19." The ER doctor took x-rays and checked my oxygen. All looked pretty normal for a covid patient. He sent us home informing us that the only people admitted to the hospital are those with low oxygen. "We can't admit everyone who comes in with covid because there is no treatment for covid unless your oxygen is below normal."    

Phew. We dodged that bullet. 

I thought I must be on the road to recovery. 

A week later, on October 30, my health continuing to decline,

 I used my oximeter and was surprised to see the reading — 

68. 

To my recollection, a week before, the 02 was in the normal range.

Another call to my doctor reaped urgent instructions to go to the ER immediately. Another x-ray and a check of my oxygen confirmed that covid-19 had worsened to covid pneumonia. 

Headed for isolation and no visitors, 

I kissed my love for what we both knew might be the very last time. 

My prognosis was grim.

 But God. 

Funny, what you think about in isolation. I laughed that for our very last kiss — maybe ever — we wore masks!  Fortunately, we continue to have many kisses — without a mask, but with an oxygen tube descending from my nose. That's for a future blog. 

The wonderful peace that passes all understanding enveloped me as the wheels of my bed carried me through hospital corridors into isolation. 

Alone. 

But not alone. 

Jesus held me. 

I felt the Holy Spirit and God's angels surround me with His love and care. 

Wow! 

One of those God moments you never want to miss.

There was no anxiety, as the world might expect.

Instead

Scriptures filled my mind.

"I am with you always."

"Never will I leave you."

"I will fight for you. 

You need only to be still."

And the verse of hope God spoke to my heart for the next three and one-half weeks in isolation:

"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, 

that I might show you My power and 

that My Name might be proclaimed in all the earth."

 Exodus 9:16

No matter what happens in life, we need never fear. There is always a "But God . . . "  

As the Holy Spirit leads, stay tuned for more blogs of my covid journey. Thanks for sharing these days with me.

Splashes of Serenity prayed for you. That wonderful serenity that comes from a heart and mind fixed on Jesus.