Ten Ways To Put More Love and More Life Into Your Love Life

My book's title, We All Married Idiots, grabs people's attention. But the meat of this book is found in the sub-title, Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can.

Using the chapter titles of the Ten Things You Can, I hope you enjoy my spin on the ten ways you can put more love and more life into your love life. Have fun!



1. Loosen Up! Ask someone what first attracted them to their spouse and the answer may be, "Their smile." So loosen up! Laugh! Smile! Nothing says "Kiss me!" more than a happy face.

2. Strip Down! Oops! Did I say that? No. God did. In Hebrews 12:1 (NLT) He says,

 ". . . let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up."

We need to strip ourselves of sin that makes us unattractive to God and to our lovers. Sins like grumbling, lust, anger . . . all sin; you name it, keeps our bedrooms from being the happy place God intended.

3. Let Go! Thoughts of  laundry to do, Billy's homework isn't done, what should I make for dinner, problems at the office, all can occupy our minds during love making.  Don't bring your "to do" list to the bedroom. I guarantee while making love, you won't be able to do any of it. So, let go of these thoughts, concentrate on your lover, and enjoy!

4. Hold On! Your honey wants to get frisky, but your honey's character flaws turn you off. No one is perfect. Don't let thoughts of your sweetheart's failures enter your mind while making love. This is the time to hold on to the good and remember all the wonderful traits you love about your spouse.

5. Settle Down! Angry? Well, settle down. Anger has no place in your marriage bed.  Sexual abstinence will not solve your marital difficulties. Settle anger outside the bedroom walls because your bedroom is reserved as your play ground not your boxing ring.

6. Make Nice! Making nice is foreplay for the night ahead. No one wants to make love with a mate who makes mean. Remember, your lover desires to be treasured, not trampled.

7. Cheer On! If you want an example of cheering on your lover during lovemaking, read Solomon's Song of Songs. Wow! For example, "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant." Song of Songs 1: 15-16. Words of affection and affirmation do much to cheer your honey on toward sexual pleasure.

8. Sit Tight! There really are times your beloved has a headache. Understanding and treating your love  tenderly during "headache" days will reap future rewards in your love life. Sit tight, be patient, and wait for a better day.

9. Give up! There will be days you won't desire your spouse, but your spouse desires you. I suggest you give up and ask God to give you passion for your husband or wife.  God says, "Husbands and wives should satisfy each other's sexual needs . . . Don't withhold yourselves from each other unless you agree to do so for a set time to devote yourselves to prayer. Then you should get back together. . . " 1 Corinthians 7: 3, 5. Prayer is an amazing power God gives to us. As we pray and invite God into our bedroom, asking The Almighty to help us respond to our lover's desires, we may be shocked at His answer. Prayer before and during lovemaking is the best foreplay of all. God wants to bless your marriage bed. He really does! Just ask Him.

10. Look up! The sparks aren't flying. There's no desire at all. Now what should you do? Look up! Ask God to help you and your beloved enjoy sexual intimacy as He planned for a husband and a wife. Loosen up, strip down, let go, hold on, settle down, make nice, cheer on, sit tight, give up, and look up. I suspect God will give you a marriage relationship better than you ever asked or imagined.

I have a passion for marriages, which is why I love promoting my book, We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can. Available wherever books are sold and on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/We-All-Married-Idiots-Marriage/dp/0984765522/

Splashes of Serenity and joy prayed for you and your beloved!

When Your Heart Hurts on Valentine's Day



Valentine's Day isn't a day of hugs and kisses for everyone. Devastated from a break up, a death, a difficult marriage, or never feeling loved by anyone, you feel Cupid's arrow shot right into your heart, and you hurt.

I hurt for you too. Please know you have a God who loves you.  He will never hurt you. You are His own precious treasure and His arms of love surround you. He cries "Cling to me!" and yearns to embrace you with His lavish love.

What can you do to celebrate Valentine's Day?  Choose to love!

Here are some suggestions to take you out of the Valentine's Day blues:

1. Bake heart shaped cookies and take them to your neighbor, a hurting friend, a nursing home, a widow, your newspaper carrier, a military family, your Pastor's family, anyone! Who doesn't love a sugar cookie!

2. Call someone who needs a word of encouragement!

3. Find a friend who is alone tonight and go out to dinner and celebrate the gift of God's love for you.

4. Volunteer to babysit for a young couple who needs a date and can't afford a babysitter. I know babysitting can be exhausting, so take a friend who can help. If you have the financial ability, bless the couple with money for their date.

5. Grab a Concordance and read every passage on love.

6. Take a hymnbook and sing all the songs with "love" in the title!

 At the end of the day, wrap yourself in Jesus's arms and sing "Jesus loves me. This I know. For the Bible tells me so." Rest in Him aware of His great love for you. It's true, you know. Jesus loves you.

There are so many ways to celebrate love! Let's hear some ideas from you.

May your Valentine's Day be filled with love as you love others!


 

Dianne Barker and I Talk Marriage on WHCBradio.com. Listen In.

Author/speaker/host of At the Library/ and my friend Dianne Barker

What  joy it was to meet Dianne Barker (www.DianneBarker.com)  at the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association Conference last summer.  God ordained our meeting when we "happened" to sit next to each other for our first session.We weren't giggling long before we knew we were kindred spirits.

Dianne is the best-selling author of many books including Twice Pardoned and Living Proof.  I knew we were forever friends when she shared her recent book I Don't Chase the Garbage Truck Down the Street in My Bathrobe Anymore. She also hosts a radio show titled "At the Library."

Today (February 13, 2016), I am her guest on At the Library. We'll talk about marriage and my book We All Married Idiots at 3:30 p.m. EST. If you are in the Bristol, TN, area please listen in on 91.5  FM. The rest of us can hear the broadcast on www.WHCBradio.com.

Listen in and receive some splashes of serenity on your marriage! Just in time for Valentine's Day!

Keeping Love Alive in the Parsonage

Satan attacks every marriage, but he saves his most poisonous arrows for ministry couples. He knows your most effective evangelistic tool is your marriage, so the devil's goal is your destruction.

Fight for your marriage 

for the sake of your family 

and your congregation.

People are looking in your glass house 

to see how marriage works. 

What do they see?  

Is it obvious the Pastor loves his wife as Christ loved the church? Does he give himself up for her to make her holy?

"Husbands, love your wives, 

just as Christ loved the church

 and gave himself up for her

 to make her holy . . ."

 Ephesians 5:25

Does the Pastor's wife respect her husband? 

"...and the wife must respect her husband."

Ephesians 5:33b

In the  busyness of serving the flock, it is easy to forget to serve your spouse. The demands of ministry can leave a pastor and wife too exhausted to love and care for the one they need to love most.

A ho-hum, busy, frantic marriage is not God’s will for any couple whether your house is glass or not. God commands us to enjoy the blessings of marriage and love and treasure your spouse. 

This Valentine's Day let God care for your church, celebrate each other, and have some fun. 

Here are 10 suggestions that will help keep your love alive:

1. Remember what you enjoyed when you first dated? Do it again.

2. Revisit the place you met, or fell in love, or grew dizzy with that first kiss.

3. Take the initiative and orchestrate a romantic getaway. It doesn’t have to be expensive. A winter picnic while watching the sun set can be memorable. Don’t forget the cheese, apples, and hot chocolate!

4. Have a date once a week. Don’t talk about church. Don’t discuss the children. Give all your attention to each other.

5. Once or twice a year get away alone overnight. Swap children and houses with another couple if finances keep you from this fun.

6. Explore activities you enjoy together. Dan introduced me to the golf course. I challenged him to kayak. Long walks and snowball fights cost nothing, are good exercise, and create memories.

7. Pray together. I think there is nothing that unites a couple more than joining in prayer.

8. Read a book together.

9. Kiss and hug every time you see each other.

10. Make your bedroom the most beautiful room in your home— a sanctuary of the love God gave to you when He joined you as one. I know one wife who decorated her marriage bed with Christmas lights!

  The way we live as husband and wife should display a marriage relationship as God intended.  Please, build the church by strengthening your marriage. 

In a world where families are falling apart, the stability of our marital relationship should draw people to ask "Who  is holding you together?" 

The world should look at your marriage and see Christ. 

Are they?

Have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

50 Shades of Grey — What Your Beloved Doesn't Want for Valentine's Day

"Touch her tenderly as an object of worship. A wife needs to be treasured, not trampled." ~
We All Married Idiots

  Don't women desire to be touched tenderly as an object of worship? Don't they yearn to be treasured and not trampled? Of course they do.

Then what is the attraction of 50 Shades of Grey? I'm not sure except we are so hungry for that tender touch that we believe the lies and think this momentary thrill of watching nudity on the screen or reading about unmarried sex in a book won't cause a lifetime of harm.

Not true. Pornography kills marriages and destroys lives. My husband and I have spent hours counselling couples devastated by the damage of pornography.

Last week a woman told me her story. She was exposed to Playboy magazine at age 10. The magazine decorated the back of the toilet in a neighborhood friend's home (also 10 years old). Images of naked women pierced her brain, mind, and heart distorting and confusing this little girl's understanding of God's plan for the female. Forty years later those images remain. A two-minute trip to the potty shattered the life of a child.

I haven't read 50 Shades of Grey and I won't see the movie. Oh my, why would I?

Why would anyone spend their time or money watching other people have sex when they could be making love with their own Valentine? What's the appeal of watching erotica on a screen or reading about it in a book when you can touch and feel and enjoy and experience the love of your life within the privacy of your own bedroom?

Isn't that a better use of your time?

This Valentine's Day, or any day, don't mar your marriage  with visions of violent sex scenes and  other peoples' bodies playing on rewind in the depths of your soul.

 God says, "Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires." 

Colossians 3:15b

"What part of 'have nothing to do with' do we not understand? Yet, we live in a world filled with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires and wonder why our marriages and our lives seem so heavy." ~ We All Married Idiots

I implore you, whether single or married, to honor God and honor your spouse with your body. Afterall, your body doesn't belong to you. God says,

"The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband.

 In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife."

1 Corinthians 7:4

 I ask you, what part of your body belongs to your spouse?  Every inch. Your eyes, your ears, your mind all belong to the one you promised to cleave to, forsaking all others. When you glance at another in a book or on the screen or in a magazine, you are stealing something that does not belong to you. You are depriving your spouse of knowing you only have eyes, ears, a mind, and a heart for one person.

Isn't that what we all want for Valentine's Day? To know our beloved is 100 percent our own.

Give your husband or wife the best Valentine's gift ever and don't bring anyone else (real or imaginary) into your marriage bed this weekend or ever.


May God splash serenity on your marriage,

Ten Ways to Glorify God in Your Marriage Bed

My book's title, We All Married Idiots, grabs people's attention. But the meat of this book is found in the sub-title, Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can.

Using the chapter titles of the Ten Things You Can, I hope you enjoy my spin on the ten ways you can put more love and more life into your love life. Have fun!



1. Loosen Up! Ask someone what first attracted them to their spouse and the answer may be, "Their smile." So loosen up! Laugh! Smile! Nothing says "Kiss me!" more than a happy face.

2. Strip Down! Oops! Did I say that? No. God did. In Hebrews 12:1 (NLT) He says,

 ". . . let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up."

We need to strip ourselves of sin that makes us unattractive to God and to our lovers. Sins like grumbling, lust, anger . . . all sin; you name it, keeps our bedrooms from being the happy place God intended.

3. Let Go! Thoughts of  laundry to do, Billy's homework isn't done, what should I make for dinner, problems at the office, all can occupy our minds during love making.  Don't bring your "to do" list to the bedroom. I guarantee while making love, you won't be able to do any of it. So, let go of these thoughts, concentrate on your lover, and enjoy!

4. Hold On! Your honey wants to get frisky, but your honey's character flaws turn you off. No one is perfect. Don't let thoughts of your sweetheart's failures enter your mind while making love. This is the time to hold on to the good and remember all the wonderful traits you love about your spouse.

5. Settle Down! Angry? Well, settle down. Anger has no place in your marriage bed.  Sexual abstinence will not solve your marital difficulties. Settle anger outside the bedroom walls because your bedroom is reserved as your play ground not your boxing ring.

6. Make Nice! Making nice is foreplay for the night ahead. No one wants to make love with a mate who makes mean. Remember, your lover desires to be treasured, not trampled.

7. Cheer On! If you want an example of cheering on your lover during lovemaking, read Solomon's Song of Songs. Wow! For example, "How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant." Song of Songs 1: 15-16. Words of affection and affirmation do much to cheer your honey on toward sexual pleasure.

8. Sit Tight! There really are times your beloved has a headache. Understanding and treating your love  tenderly during "headache" days will reap future rewards in your love life. Sit tight, be patient, and wait for a better day.

9. Give up! There will be days you won't desire your spouse, but your spouse desires you. I suggest you give up and ask God to give you passion for your husband or wife.  God says, "Husbands and wives should satisfy each other's sexual needs . . . Don't withhold yourselves from each other unless you agree to do so for a set time to devote yourselves to prayer. Then you should get back together. . . " 1 Corinthians 7: 3, 5. Prayer is an amazing power God gives to us. As we pray and invite God into our bedroom, asking The Almighty to help us respond to our lover's desires, we may be shocked at His answer. Prayer before and during lovemaking is the best foreplay of all. God wants to bless your marriage bed. He really does! Just ask Him.

10. Look up! The sparks aren't flying. There's no desire at all. Now what should you do? Look up! Ask God to help you and your beloved enjoy sexual intimacy as He planned for a husband and a wife. Loosen up, strip down, let go, hold on, settle down, make nice, cheer on, sit tight, give up, and look up. I suspect God will give you a marriage relationship better than you ever asked or imagined.

I have a passion for marriages, which is why I love promoting my book, We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can. Available wherever books are sold and on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/We-All-Married-Idiots-Marriage/dp/0984765522/

Splashes of Serenity and joy prayed for you and your beloved!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Elaine and Dan

When Cupid Shoots an Arrow—Don't Duck!

If I had my way, this photo would not have been taken. Dan wasn't the man for me. But God, (and Cupid) had other plans.

I hadn't planned on a third date. Oh my, the first two were a disaster (that's another story). But Dan called a third time and invited me to dinner and to Ford Theatre to see The Fantastics.

I accepted because I was hungry and I wanted to see the Fantastics. You see, as a single girl living in Washington, DC, I spent my paycheck on clothes without budgeting for food.

Dan took me to a fine restaurant and I ate! For two days I had lived on apples and bread, and I was hungry. Watching me, all he could say was, "Wow!" (Years later he joked that he married me because I was the only girl he knew who could eat more than him. I guess somewhere between the cream crab dip appetizer and the cherry cheesecake, cupid's arrow pierced his heart.)

 Later that night, the arrow hit me.

It was 90 degrees on April 9, 1970 in our Nation's Capital. Not expecting the heat, Dan wore a wool sports coat. Ford Theatre, where Abe Lincoln was shot, looked like it did in Abe's day—no air conditioning and tiny seats. It was over 100 degrees in that building; I am sure of it.

Escorted to our seats Dan and I almost laughed, but it wasn't funny. One seat had a perfect view of the stage. The other seat was located behind a pillar built big and wide like in the days of Gone With the Wind. Without thought of his own discomfort or that he paid for the tickets, Dan immediately gave me the better seat and he sat behind the circular pole. His long legs straddled it, his eyes face-to-face within inches of it, the pole blocked his view of the stage.

The Fantastics were, well, fantastic! Poor Dan sat for two hours, unable to see, sweat pouring from his face, and never once complaining about the heat, or the seat, or the girl who finished his dinner after she ate her own.

I looked at him and cupid's arrow hit my heart. All I could think was, This is a quality guy! Five months later we married.

To think, I almost didn't go on that third date. I was ready to give up on him before I saw his true heart. How many miss the love of their lives because they don't take the time to discover the  treasure inside. 

"As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man." Proverbs 27:19

Thanking God today for my Dan—my Valentine for 41 years. 

You can view more cupid stories on Diane Estrella's cupid blog hop: http://www.DianeEstrella.com.

Elaine

The Greatest Gift a Husband Can Give His Wife on Valentine's Day

"Spend time with me. Laugh with me. Listen to me. Pray with me." is the heart cry of many a wife.

Which is why I wrote my second book, titled, Bedtime Meditations for Husbands and Wives.
I wanted a book married couples would read together in bed
before sleep. A book that would make them laugh and cry and pray together before their heads hit the pillow.

My publisher had other plans and renamed the book Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Wives. It's the same book; just the pronouns have been changed. I suggest it could be the sweetest gift you ever gave your sweetheart on Valentine's Day.

Present it with a promise to read one of the thirty reflections with her each night for the next 30 days. You won't be sorry. You'll laugh. You may cry. You might even make love! For sure, you'll bless your Valentine.

You can order on this blog, or contact me at SplashesofSerenity@yahoo.com. Orders must be received by Thursday, February 9 to assure a Valentine's Day delivery.

Happy Valentine's Day! May yours be splashed with love and serenity,

Elaine

Celebrating 40 Valentine's Days

We've got something to celebrate! Forty years of Valentine's Days and we're more in love than ever. Why did our love grow? How did we last 40 years? What lessons have we learned that we can pass on to others?

Marriage takes commitment. For us it began in the bathtub. I write about it in "My Wedding Began in a Church--My Marriage Began in the Bathtub." (See the first reflection in Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections for Drained Wives). Forty years ago I packed Dan's bags with every intention of throwing in the towel. He was in the bathtub (we had no shower) with his feet dangling out the bathroom window (you need to read my book to find out why). Looking up at me he said simple words, "Elaine, I'm committed to you for a lifetime." That statement changed our marriage.

Dan meant it. I'm not easy to live with. Fellow writers understand why. But Dan committed to me for a lifetime. He proved it 20 years ago when I faced surgery that could altar our lives and disfigure my body. Dan's reaction, "Well, I'll just have to love you even more." What a gem of a guy. And to think, I almost threw him away with the bath water.

Committing to lasting love changes things. In the early days, we fought fiercely and had trouble making up. Now, we rarely argue and love making up. Why? Because after 40years we know each other so well. Now we understand what upsets the other and we don't do it. We've learned what to say and when and how to say it.

As time passes and love grows, we realize we can't even remember why we fought the battles that nearly knocked us out of the marriage ring. Of course, there are issues that need to be discussed and behaviors that need changed. But the majority of our marital disagreements are silly and not worth the energy.

Too many marriages give up too soon for too little reason and the consequences are felt for generations. Hold on young lovers. Sometimes you just have to stick your feet out the bathroom window and commit!

What about your marriage? Are you committed to last 40 years and more? I hope so. It is worth it.

Make a Splash on Valentine's Day! It might just bring you some serenity!

Elaine

Baby Steps or Possibly a Leap Towards a Better Marriage

Marriages are fragmenting. This most important of human relationships--the basis of our families, the glue that holds our children together is falling apart. Why is this happening? What's wrong with us?

Looking back at my 40 years of marriage, I remember the best advice I ever received: "If you want a marriage that keeps getting better, read a book on marriage once a month." That's a lot of marriage books.

The sad truth is that publishers tell me books on marriage don't sell well. It's heartbreaking that we swarm to books about vampires, politicians, wizards and such; yet ignore reading anything that will improve the foundation--the core--of our families. We choose to live in fantasyland or a reality show, instead of facing the truth of our hopeless state of matrimony.

Will reading books on marriage change your marriage? Maybe not dramatically. My goal in reading each book is to make one change, take one baby step toward a better marriage. If I read 12 books a year, that's 12 baby steps, which in my mind constitutes a LEAP! There is no doubt my marriage is better because of my passion for reading books on marriage.

Am I trying to sell my book? Yes indeed! Why? Because I know marriages will be helped by it. Maybe not a leap towards a better marriage, but certainly a baby step. Please contact me at SplashesofSerenity@yahoo.com to order a copy of Splashes of Serenity: Bathtime Reflections For Drained Wives. A great Valentine's Day gift!

Please order before February as I will be leaving the country and celebrating Valentine's Day with my love.

So, what is your favorite marriage book? What has helped you take a baby step or a leap towards a better marriage? I'd love hearing from you.

May your home be filled with love, splashes of serenity, and books on marriage,

Elaine