The Funny Life of the Pastor's Wife

"Your only job as the Pastor's wife is to sleep with the Pastor!" A disgruntled congregant snapped  at me once. My willing husband responded, "Sounds good to me!" Oh dear.

Hilarious! But not really. We Pastors' wives hear comments I am sure other wives never hear. Who ever sneered at the plumber's wife that her only job is to sleep with the plumber? I mean, really?

Pastors' wives live in a world many outside that world cannot understand. But we get it, don't we girls? We understand that life in a fishbowl has blessings and heartaches.

If we let it, life in the parsonage can get us down.

Some pastors' wives seem stuck in the "poor me" mode. Blogs and magazine articles affirm the miserable life of the Pastor's wife.   This should not be so. 

If any wife should know joy in her marriage and calling, shouldn't it be the ministry wife?

I love to laugh! Perhaps I laugh too much. Years ago I was told,  "You are the only pastor's wife I know who laughs." Well, that is not the case, for I know many PW's who laugh, but none who make me laugh as much as Rhonda Rhea.

I met Rhonda last summer at the Advanced Writers and Speakers Conference. 

Rhonda Rhea is the author of Join the Insanity: Crazy-Fun Life in the Pastors' Wives Club. Oh my. You must read her book. Join the Insanity is the best book for PW's I've ever read (and I think I've read them all!) She tells it like it is as a Pastor's wife and then gives right-on scriptural truth of how God expects a woman who walks in obedience to God's call on her life to respond. 

You'll laugh all the way through this funny, yet deep, and honest help for the girls in the parsonage.

Here are quotes from Insanity that I underlined:

"When your husband is meeting the urgent need du jour at church, it can feel as if the church gets first dibs on him and the wife gets whatever's left. How do we deal?"

"Once it becomes all about what we're giving up, we lose sight of the ministry."

" When we get to heaven, I don't think our name tags will say Pastors Wife on them anywhere. I think the name tag will likely just read His."

Purchase Join the Insanity at http://www.amazon.com/Join-Insanity-Crazy-Fun-Pastors-Wives/dp/1596693975/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1445222292&sr=8-1&keywords=join+the+insanity

Check out Rhonda Rhea's website at www.RhondaRhea.com/rr.

An elder once chastised me with his frown-filled face, "Why are you so happy all the time?" I guess he wasn't aware of Isaiah 35:10 (NIV): ". . . everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." That is my prayer for you dear ladies. Don't lose your joy. 

Being married to a Pastor is an amazing blessing from God. He chose you to be married to one He called to service. What a privilege.

On this Pastor's Appreciation Month, please remember you are much more than a PW. Your name tag reads "HIS!"

Splashes of Serenity and joy to all you dear sweet PW's who do so much more than sleep with the Pastor,

The Secret to Successful Parenting in the Parsonage

Mother's Day is near, and I'm reflecting on the challenges of raising children in what some say is a glass house. Entering the ministry with three little ones, I remember my fears and prayers for the Pastor's kids I called mine. My toddlers are now grown with babies of their own. With praise to God and encouragement to you I report they all love the Lord and thrived with parents in ministry.

What's the secret to successful parsonage parenting?

Prayer, for sure. But also, mom's and dad's attitude about your child and ministry.

Don't put expectations on your children because they are the Pastor's Kids.  Going to church every service, memorizing Scripture, having devotions, living a God-honoring lifestyle should be taught and expected by every Christian parent — not because their dad is Pastor, but because they are Christian.

Don't expect perfection from your child.  We all make mistakes and every person sins. There are times our children will disappoint us, no matter what roof covers their heads. We cannot expect perfection from any child. The Pastor's offspring are sinners too.

Focus on the positive aspects of ministry throughout your child-rearing years. Think on these benefits when negative feelings and fears creep into your mind:

1. The Pastor's hours are flexible. He's able to run home in an emergency or work from home if mommy is sick and needs help.

2. The Pastor is gone many nights, but he can be home in time to see his children after school. When my husband had night meetings, he came home in the afternoon for special time with his kids. Remember there are some CEO's who work every night until 9:00 and see their children on weekends only.

3. Opportunities abound for the Pastors' kids to learn about the world as they meet and interact with International Workers and hear of the worldwide work of Christ. Take advantage of moments to expose your children to God's servants.

4. Ministry may mean moving. Changing locations brings short-term trauma, but long-term strength as siblings unite and conquer new places of ministry.

5. The Pastor's children are under the influence of their father's weekly preaching. What a blessing. Some children know little of what their dads do all day. Not so, the Pastor's kid.

6. Pastors' kids may share in ministry with their parents. My husband loved taking our children with him to visit dear ones sick at home or in nursing homes. Oh how the elderly love seeing little children.

7. Camping vacations were all we could afford in the early days of ministry and became our children's favorite memories. Who doesn't love camping! Theme parks weren't in our budget, but the family fun of a grand hike up an Adirondack mountain with lunch tucked in our back packs and enjoyed when we reached the peak created memories our children are repeating with their children. Use your imagination and create fun that doesn't cost dollars. Those are the days your children will treasure.

8. Your children are known by name, loved, and prayed for by an entire congregation, your denomination's leaders, and workers around the world. Perhaps, those prayers are the greatest benefit of all.

Dan and I weren't perfect parents and we didn't raise perfect children. But, we did focus on the postive aspects of ministry thoughout our child-rearing years. Give yourself a splash of serenity and enjoy the life God called you to live, trusting the One who placed you exactly where He planned before any of your children were born.

Please bless me and other readers by sharing your secrets to successful parsonage parenting.

"All the days ordained for me were written in your book
 before one of them came to be." 

Psalm 139:16

Splashes of serenity prayed for your parsonage!

A Tribute to the Pastor's Wife

This photo was taken the night of Dan's installation as District Superintendent in the Christian and Missionary Alliance. That night I changed roles from being a Pastor's wife to being a Pastor's wife to Pastors' wives.

I love the women who serve so sacrificially with their husbands. I pray for them because I know what a wonderful blessing it is to be called by God and yet....

I know what it is like to cry with your man. There are nights you don’t sleep because your Pastor husband beside you is tossing and turning and sweating in agony over unresolved church conflict. There are times you pray for your children until you have no words left. I know you have trouble and you feel all alone unable to share your heart with anyone. Those are the dark days in the parsonage....

I also know there are days when SON shines through the Parsonage windows. Who can fathom the joy of lost sheep being found when your husband preaches a life-saving message? How awesome of God to provide for your needs over and above what you asked or imagined. What satisfaction knowing God uses you and your husband to care for His Flock, to weep with those who weep and to rejoice with those who rejoice. Could anything be more meaningful than leading the lost to eternity? It’s worth it. Your life and your ministry matter.

I found this poem which I felt describes life in the parsonage pretty well. On this Clergy Appreciation Month, I honor Pastors' wives and thank you for your obedience to God's call.

THE PASTOR’S WIFE

There is one person in our Church

Who knows our Pastor’s life.

Who weeps and smiles and prays with Him,

And that’s the Pastor’s wife!

The crowd has seen him in his strength,

While bearing God’s Sharp Sword

As underneath God’s banner’s folds

He faced the devil’s horde.

But deep within her heart she knows

That scarce an hour before

She helped him pray the glory down

Behind the closet door!

She heard him groaning in his soul

When bitter raged the strife.

As, hand in hand she knelt with him,

For she’s the Pastor’s Wife.

You tell your tales of Preachers brave

Who marched across the world

And changed the course of history

By burning words they hurled

And I will tell how back of each

Some woman lived her life

Who wept with him and smiled with him,

She was the Pastor’s Wife!

~Author Unknown

Praying not for a Splash of Serenity, but a sweet-flowing Stream of Serenity as you serve God, your husband, your family, your church, and your world.

Elaine