What We can Learn From Marriage in Bosnia Herzegovina

My heart broke for marriages in Bosnia Herzegovina. 

Dan and I were blessed by the dear ones we came to know and love during our two week stay in the beautiful country of Bosnia Herzegovina. But our hearts broke because we saw couples facing marriage woes that husbands and wives in other countries know nothing of.

Please pray for couples as you consider these stories:

 Four years he sat under artillery fire. Now, that fire explodes in his mind piercing his tender heart with fiery darts. He suffers with PTSD in a country that offers no counselling, no Purple Heart, and no compensation for his wounds from the Bosnian war. His wife cries to God to restore her broken man.

Forty percent unemployment leaves many couples unable to afford shelter. They have no choice but to move in with their parents. In some cases, the young wife is expected to do all the chores of the household as well as care for the aging parents, her own children, and work outside the home.

Women do not receive equal pay in BiH.  Consequently, men can't find jobs and women are an employer's choice. Wives work for little wages to support the  family which may include the extended family. The husband stays home, but he is not considered a house husband or a stay-at-home-dad as he continues his endless search for employment or some way to bring income into his home.

A couple spent their wedding night fleeing from parents trying to kill them? When a Muslim couple believed in Jesus Christ, their  parents sought them. To murder them.

The horrors and pain of war complemented with the cheap availability of drugs, left many Bosnians turning to drugs as their only recreation or happiness. Drug addiction is prevalent and many reformed and not reformed addicts carry the lure of addiction into their marriages.

Dan and I visited the Bosnian war museum and learned of the horrors that took place on the streets where we walked.  Soldiers placed a 3 month old baby in an oven while the mother helplessly watched  her baby bake. A mother gave birth on the street while soldiers killed her husband by her side.

What do these events do to a person, to a culture, to a marriage?

I know what it does to me? It breaks my heart for marriages in BiH. Please pray that God will heal   these dear people who stole my heart with their love and generosity to me. They deserve the abundant life that Jesus promised.  Let's pray to that end. Thank you.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; 
I have come that they may have life, 
and have it to the full." 
~ Jesus

John 10:10 (NIV)

We have much to learn from the Bosnian marriages as well. The divorce rate in Bosnia Herzegovina is 5 percent. They practice commitment  and love, perhaps because they know loss and hate. Americans (and most of the rest of the world) are too quick to throw away marriages that God intends us to keep. May we learn from our dear Bosnian brothers and sisters.

Please pray splashes of serenity on all marriages today.

Bosnian Marriages Turn a Corner

What joy it was for Dan and I to minister to married couples in Bosnia Herzegovina. We came away assured of this:

Couples of all faiths want to make their marriages stronger.

I spoke on my book We All Married Idiots, available in Bosnian. The people who organized events throughout Bosnia Herzegovina were shocked at the response. Couples of all faiths filled the room, were attentive to my teaching, and to  my sharing of how God healed our marriage. Afterwards, Dan joined me  for a 15 minute Q & A that lasted well over an hour. These dear couples were hungry for hope and truth.

Afterwards, the lady above shared 

"I see light in you." 

I pray that light will shine through her as she dreams of becoming a marriage counselor.

The couple above are not married, but came together to learn more of marriage. Just like in the United States, the unmarried also seek marriage advice to help in choosing a life-long marriage partner.

One pastor in a local church had little faith that couples would attend the event in his church. He bought a few cakes for refreshments, happy he would have to eat them all. The couples came and more came and more came. Rows of chairs were added and then another row and another.  Laughing, the Pastor thanked everyone for attending, but acknowledged he needed to go buy more cake.

Afterwards, the Pastor said 

"This night is a turning point for Bosnian marriages.

 Most Bosnians sweep their troubles under the rug.

 For couples to come to a marriage seminar was evidence marriages wanted help.

 Bosnian marriages turned a corner tonight."

In another town, I wondered how the evening would go as husbands and wives entered the hotel conference room.

The Bosnian husbands were like American husbands 

attending a marriage seminar: 

A bit apprehensive about what this women will tell them 

and wondering whether my teaching will hurt their marriages and/or their manhood. 

After all, no one likes to be told they are an idiot. 

They sat with arms folded, looking straight ahead, not smiling. 

After a few minutes I was blessed to see  

husbands relax, smile, laugh, 

unfold their arms and hold their wives.

It was a delight to meet these sweet ladies at another event for women in Mostar. They were very happy to receive their signed copies of the Bosnian translation of We All Married Idiots.

And the woman who did an amazing job of translating and designing a cover appropriate for the Bosnian culture. Thank you my talented new friend. Without your hard work, We All Married Idiots would not be before the eyes of Bosnian readers.

Our nearly two weeks in Bosnia Herzegovina began with a weekend retreat of church leaders from churches in this beautiful country. We traveled to Neum, a seaside resort, where Dan and I enjoyed two days of teaching, encouraging, and loving these dear people.

Thank you to the churches and individuals who invested in this ministry to the marriages in Bosnia Herzegovina. Many seeds were planted. Couples were encouraged to Glorify God, Please God, and Point People to God through their married life. Plus no one left without knowing they all married idiots!!!

Many lives were touched and changed. I know mine was. Thank you for all who prayed.

Please keep praying for marriages in Bosnia Herzegovina,

 that they won't just turn a corner, 

but will walk down the path of eternal life in Heaven 

and abundant life on earth.

I will share more about the specifics of our trip at a later date. Right now Dan and I are preparing for another marriage retreat here in the USA and then I'm away speaking for four days. Meanwhile, don't forget these dear ones. Splash serenity on their lives with your prayers.