Thursday, October 8, 2015

Five Ways to Be Your Spouse's BFF

“Today I Marry My Best Friend” announces many wedding invitations . It’s easy to marry your best friend, but how do you stay best friends after you marry?

I hope my thoughts on marriage and friendship encourage you to be that best friend every husband and every wife desires and deserves.

 1. Friends are forgiving.God warned us in James 3:2 (GWT) that “All of us make a lot of mistakes.” Surprise! Your honey is not perfect. You both will make mistakes. Remember that neither of you woke up this morning with this thought: Woo Hoo! I wonder how many mistakes I can make today! Mistakes are not on your to-do list, but loving each other in spite of the mistakes should be.
2. Friends are kind. I’ve been to a lot of weddings and I’ve never heard this vow: I promise to make a note of everything you do that bothers me and remind you of it as long as we both shall live. That is not what we promise, but is that what we do? Friends should be safe havens from the unpleasant side of life. It’s a tough world out there. We need tender homes.
3. Friends are cheerful. A spouse fulfills a role that no one else can — that of their mate’s cheerleader. When the world knocks one of you down, the other needs to offer a hand, pick him/her back up, and cheer on. I remember my Dan coming home late from a difficult meeting. I pummeled him with questions. “What decisions were made? How did you respond?” Poor guy. He left one anxiety-ridden meeting and came home to another. Instead, I should have cheered him with a kiss, an embrace, and perhaps his favorite ice cream. I realized this truth when Dan took me in his arms, held me, and gently spoke, “I really need you to be my wife, not my boss.” Lesson learned.
4. Friends are fun. Early in our marriage Dan suggested that two times a year we go away alone together. I balked because of the expense and the time away from our children. Dan insisted and Dan was right. Now married 45 years, I realize we are best friends today because we guarded our couple time. Find a hobby or sport to enjoy together. Dan loves to golf. I learned to love golf too. We work to find entertainment we enjoy together. Date nights are non-negotiable because friends make time to be together.
5. Friends are loyal. It’s sad that gals and guys find pleasure belittling their husbands or wives. I’ve heard these friendship-ruining and marriage-killing conversations. Don’t participate in this activity. Either change the subject (“Everybody say one thing they LOVE about your honey!”) or change your friends. Best friends don’t ridicule each other in public or in private. They build each other up.
So, did you marry your best friend? I hope so. And I pray your friendship glows as you grow in love and life together. It takes work and discipline and self-sacrifice and it’s worth it. For more information on marriage, check out my book We All Married Idiots: Three Things You Will Never Change About Your Marriage and Ten Things You Can.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on being married to your best friend. Please comment below.

 Be forgiving, kind, cheerful, fun, and loyal and God will splash serenity on your marriage as  your beloved remains your BFF.


  1. Elaine, your words have convicted me. I married my BFF 37 years ago but unfortunately I don't always treat him like my BFF. I plan to change that- starting now. Thanks for the nudge.

  2. We all have days we need nudging. Thanks for confessing your need to change. May the Lord be your strength. Prayers for you and your marriage.

  3. Elaine, Thank you for not only modeling marriage through your life, writing, and speaking. You inspire and teach us every day, thank you.

    Lisa M Buske

  4. God is still teaching me. Marriage is a life-long learning experience, don't you think? We need constant reminders that obeying the vows we made on our wedding day is the best way to achieve marital happiness.


I would love hearing from you! Thanks for sharing!