Cancer is Conflict

My heart aches. 

Such conflict within me.

I awoke to "amazing, phenomenal, unbelievable" blood test results. Those adjectives are the doctors, not mine. Take a look. I rejoice and thank God there is no trace of leukemia in me, so says my blood. Each component is right dab in the middle of standard range. Even so, there is a battle going on in my body. Daily, leukemia rears its ugly head as targeted therapy goes after and kills the cancer cells. Tomorrow these two foes will rise to fight again. So far chemo is winning the conflict. Hallelujah!

So why is my broken heart conflicted?

This morning I also received the news that a dear friend, wife, mother, daughter, writer, and lover of Jesus didn't receive her hoped for test results. Her bone, lung, and brain cancer may soon take her to Heaven. My heart grieves for her sweet family. I know how she feels, as I received bad news a year ago.

Yet, here I am well,
and there she is suffering. 

My mind is in conflict. 

Why her, and not me? 

Why a young mother and not this old woman? 

Those are questions no one can answer. Except God. He has a plan and while we watch His plan unfold, I am praying with all that is within me for Deborah Kessler's health. A big part of me feels her possible death is unfair. I wish I could take her place. And then I remember, there is One Who already did. Because He lives Deborah and I will live forever. Jesus shed His blood and now our blood tests really don't matter. The conflict is over for those who believe in Christ.

Please join me and pray for a miracle.

 Pray for Deborah Kessler's complete healing in the Name of Jesus!

Deborah posted the following on facebook this morning: 

"First, I want to say, it’s all true: Jesus, the Bible, the peace that passes all understanding,... I’m telling you, I’m looking death squarely in the face and “I know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep that which I’ve committed to Him...”

  I know God is in control. For whatever zillion reasons, He is allowing this for my good and His glory. I don’t like it, but in heaven, when I really know why, I will.

Please pray for the miracle. I am hemmed in between the Red Sea and the Egyptian army, I can feel the heat of the fiery furnace, And I know that God is able to deliver me from the mouth of the lions.

But after that, please pray for my family. We are having a very difficult time.

It’s time to think of funerals and realities of death but also it’s time to think of living and spring and hope... it is very sad here. We need to laugh.

I am sorry for all of you, my sweet friends and family who are sad. I hate that you’re having to go through this, too. Know that God is helping me through my story... but this really is part of your story too. Let God comfort you and help you through your story that’s still unfolding. I’m praying for you. I’m trusting God. 💙😢💙🙏🏻💙😊💙

Deborah described her feelings on the day she learned of her cancer as "walking under a beam of sunshine that was filling my soul with indescribable peace. His umbrella over me is His steadfast love." She sketched this picture in her journal on that rainy day. Her drawing is the perfect example of what I experienced and what other cancer patients say, The day they learned they had cancer, they had total peace. Thank You God for Your Peace when we walk through the thunderstorms under the umbrella of Your love.   

"All His work is done in faithfulness . . . the earth is full of the steadfast love of the Lord. 

Psalms 33:4-5

Today I planned to write my book's next chapter titled, "The Blessings of Cancer." Hard to write on this day, but I know Deborah would cheer me on with, Don't let satan win this battle. You write the blessings, for we both know the blessings abound for those who know Christ and suffer with cancer. Deborah, I dedicate this day of writing to you and pray your blessings abound as I pray for healing in Jesus Name.

Jesus is our only Splash of Serenity on days of conflict. There is No Other Name by which we are saved. Thank You Lord, the Blessed Controller of all things, including our health and our death, for the glory of God!